


Never Let Go

by Action Kitty (Lyra_87)



Series: Three Is a Crowd [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, cute Frank!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-01-07 21:28:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 32,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyra_87/pseuds/Action%20Kitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prequel to Three is a Crowd. Can be read on its own</p><p>When Frank's girlfriend forced him into a double date, he was certain the night would be nothing but torture. Instead, he meets Gerard Way. The night starts a chain reaction, one that forces the men to reconsider everything they thought they knew about themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pixiewayro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiewayro/gifts).



  
‘C’mon Frank, it won’t be so bad. From what Lindsey told me he’s a really nice guy, I think you two will get on like a house on fire.’

Frank arched an eyebrow at Jamia, who was giving him her best pleading doe eyes. Her smile was struggling to break free while she convinced him to go on a double date. He hated the idea of double dates, something Jamia knew full well. He saw them as a stupid social convention, and a complete waste of time. The idea of a date was that it was fun, intimate time spent with someone you wanted to get to know or loved. Double dates were anything but those things. Dates with Jamia were fun. They consisted of them going out for dinner, maybe a movie or something equally cheesy but as long as he was spending time with her he didn’t care. From the moment he met her back in high school he had been entranced by her. It wasn’t too long before he gathered up the courage to ask her out and now, four years later there were living together after finishing college. He had never said no to her in all those years. Today was the day that changed.

‘No Jamia. I’m sure Gerald-‘

‘Gerard’ Jamia snapped.

‘-whatever, I’m sure he’s a nice guy but I’m not going to be stuck on some awkward double date with a dude I don’t know while you and Lindsey chat away. Why can’t you and Lindsay just go out yourselves?’

‘Because she really wants me to meet him, and it’ll be awkward for him if he’s stuck with two girls. Please Frank.’

Her voice was starting to get high pitched and whiney, a combination that irritated the fuck out of him. Jamia was amazing and had lots of admirable, loving qualities. The only thing he couldn’t stand was when she got upset and her voice would get shrill. The decimal levels made his ears want to bleed under the impact. She knew this, and she used it when she wanted him to do something. Seeing as he normally went along with whatever she wanted she never had much cause to use it, but when she did it made him want to shoot himself.

‘Jesus, fine. This is the one and only time Jamia. You can forget about organising any more in the future.’

She gave a squeal of delight and clapped her hands together, before she smothered him with kisses and a tight hug.

‘Thank you Frankie. I love you.’

‘Yeah, love you too wench’ he muttered, still not happy with her.

She giggled at his petulance, giving him a quick kiss before dashing into their bedroom to get ready.

‘We’re leaving in half an hour.’

He rolled his eyes at her, not impressed at having to miss South Park on TV.

‘Fucking women’ he mumbled to himself, throwing himself on the couch.

‘I heard that!’

**************************************************************************

She flashed him her cute smile, the one that could get him to do anything. The red lip gloss only highlighted just how white and perfect her teeth were. Her creamy pale skin was perfect even without the pale foundation she wore. He soaked in the sight of her dressed in a short skirt and a white shirt she had stolen from his closet. Not that he minded, it looked good on her when she teamed it with a black tie. Her pale long legs were covered by white knee high socks, and paired with black shoes. She looked absolutely sexy when she had walked out of their bedroom, and he knew she was up to something.

‘Gerard, remember that friend I was telling you about, Jamia?’

‘Yeah’ he barely focused on the conversation, his eyes were too busy taking the sight of her in as he stood at the kitchen counter with a mug of coffee.

‘Well, I was thinking we could go on a double date with her and her boyfriend Frank. I thought it’d be nice for us to do something as a couple, you know?’

He sighed.

‘We do plenty of things as a couple Lindsey-‘

‘Something other than sex I meant!’

He let out another long sigh. He had to admit he wasn’t necessarily the best boyfriend when it came to the romance department. Dates weren’t really his thing, and when it came to romantic surprises…well they weren’t in his repertoire. That wasn’t to say he never tried. He was better at the whole writing poetry or drawing something nice thing. It had been the reason a lot of potential girlfriends hadn’t panned out. Lindsey had always been able to look past that and see his better qualities. Like how he would sing to her when she feeling down, or make sure the cupboard was stocked with chocolate when she was on her period. He would leave little notes for her in the mornings sometimes when he had to leave to go into work early. He always held her hand and carried her bags when they went shopping. He did care, but he just wasn’t a hearts and flowers kind of guy.

‘You do realise how awkward this is going to be right? I don’t know the dude, he could be a complete idiot and you know how I feel about forced social interactions with people I can’t stand.’

Lindsey walked over to him; her hips swaying a little in the way she knew made him wild. She wrapped her arms over his shoulders, pulling him in to her closer.

‘I know baby, do you think I’d ask you to do it if I didn’t think you’d get along? If you really can’t stand him we’ll make some excuse to go early, I promise. I’ll make it up to you later.’

He couldn’t stop himself from grinning wildly at the suggestion in her voice. It made him stiffen a little as he got a mental image of how she could ‘make it up’ to him. Even after three years together she still had the same effect on him.

‘Ugh, fine. You’re lucky you’re so damn irresistible.’

‘Yay! You should get ready though, we’re suppose to met them in twenty.’

He groaned.

‘We’re going _tonight_? Fucking hell.’

She detached herself from his warm embrace.

‘Less complaining, more getting ready.’

‘Fucking women’ he mumbled, earning a slap on the arm.

This was going to be a drag.  



	2. Chapter Two

  
Jamia held Frank’s hand as they strolled down the street with a slow, easy pace. Jamia had rushed Frank out the door claiming they were running late but she appeared to be in no hurry as they took the short trip to their destination. They were meeting Lindsey and what’s-his-name in a small diner that would have fitted right in if it had been used in the Grease movie. It wasn’t Frank’s favourite place to go due to their limited vegetarian options but he went along without any argument. He just wanted to get the awkward date over and done with so he could go back to watching whatever crap was on the TV. He was tired after spending all day in the recording studio, where his job title as an Intern for a record label meant that he did everything from helping bands set up their equipment, to fetching coffee and copying notes. It was exhausting work, but even when he was fuming at being treated like a bus boy he knew there was no other place he wanted to be. Jamia had been supportive of him taking the barely minimum wage job even though it meant that she was the breadwinner, but she never once made him feel any less of a man for it. Jamia knew it was his dream, and if he was lucky enough to get the opportunity she would be behind him one hundred per cent.

‘Thanks for doing this Frank. It’s nice to be able to go out with one of my friends and my boyfriend at the same time.’

He unlaced his fingers from her and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her waist so that they walked side by side. He placed a gentle kiss on top of her head, enjoying the way she smiled at the small sign of affection. Even after all these years he could still make her blush with ease. It never failed to boost his ego when the crimson blush spread across her cheeks they same way it did when he asked her on their first date. She was his entire world, and he could never imagine that ever changing.

***************************************************************************

They were running late after their impromptu quickie on the couch. Lindsey was scowling at Gerard but the effect was diminished by the small smile on her pretty lips. His shit eating grin was enough to let the whole world know he had just gotten laid, if they couldn’t already tell by their flushed faces and tousled hair.

‘Don’t smile at me like that. You know I hate being late!’ she did her best to sound angry, but the orgasm she received only five minutes earlier was making it difficult.

‘I don’t remember you complaining when I had my head between your legs.’

‘Gerard!’ she sounded scandalised, and her flushed face turned crimson when a middle aged woman shot a narrowed look at them while covering her young son’s ears.

He let out a high pitched giggle, further angering the woman whose eyes were shooting daggers at them as they walked out of their apartment complex. When the main door shut behind them Lindsey couldn’t hold back her own nervous laughter.

‘You’re fucking unbelievable’ she spluttered through her gasps.

‘That’s what you said five minutes ago!’ he raised an eyebrow and gave her his cheeky grin.

‘You’re incorrigible!’ she gave his arm a light slap, before linking their arms and beginning the journey to their destination.

***************************************************************************

‘They’re late’ Frank grumbled after ten minutes of sitting in the red booth.

‘It’s only ten minutes Frank. Can you please just _try_ to not be a grouch?’

The exasperation in Jamia’s voice immediately filled him with guilt. If he was forced to go he may as well do his best to have a good time.

‘Sorry, I’m just tired and hungry. I’ll be good, I promise.’

He had barely finished his sentence when he heard someone cut across him.

‘I’m _so_ sorry we’re late! We got held up!’ The dark haired woman was standing at their booth with her eyes focused on Jamia. She was slightly out of breath while holding hands with a raven haired man who stood awkwardly beside her.

‘It’s fine, we’re not here that long ourselves.’ Jamia responded with a friendly smile.

The couple slid into the booth, giving Frank time to study the two of them. The woman was very pretty, with soft pale skin and black hair that went past her shoulders. Her make-up was done to perfection, highlighting her big brown eyes and long eyelashes. Her beauty was in contrast to Jamia’s who was more of a ‘girl next door’ kind of beautiful. This woman was the type who could be a model if she was so inclined. The man was equally handsome, with jet black hair and a more natural looking pale skin. His hazel eyes were shrewd and observant, and Frank knew he was doing the exact same thing he was.

‘Frank, this is Lindsey and her boyfriend Gerard.’ Jamia did the introductions.

‘Nice to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you’ Frank did his best to be polite as he held his hand out to Lindsay, who shook it with a loose grip. He then offered it to the man who sat across from him, whose grip was so strong Frank nearly winced. He knew it wasn’t a sign of aggression though, the man probably just didn’t know his own strength.

‘Me too. It’s nice to finally meet you after all these years’ Lindsey gave Frank a smile.

They were interrupted by a waitress who was dolled up to the nines, her thick New York accent rhyming off the specials while handing each of them a menu and asking if they wanted drinks. They all ordered sodas and the waitress went back on her way.

‘So Gerard, I hear you’re into comics.’

Jamia set her attention on Gerard, doing her best to get the ball rolling and prevent any awkward silences.

‘Yeah, big time. I actually got a job with Dark Horse comics after I finished an internship so I get to live the dream.’

Frank’s eyebrows rose up with interest at the information.

‘Wow, that’s pretty cool man. Are you illustrating the comics?’

Gerard’s gaze was steady as his hazel eyes took in the man sitting across from him.

‘For the moment yeah, I have a Bachelors of Fine Arts so it’s something I always wanted to do. I have a few ideas of my own as well so I’m working on pitching them to my boss at the moment.’

Frank saw the way Gerard’s eyes lit up when he mentioned wanting to do his own comics. It made the gold flecks in them stand out even more, and his smile was a little shy in juxtaposition with his confident body language. He was sitting straight, his shoulders back as he rested his hands on his lap.

‘That sounds awesome. I’m a big fan of comics myself but I was never that great at art. Music is more my thing.’

‘You’re a musician?’

Gerard’s interest was definitely peaked. The guy seemed like a likeable enough person, and so far he didn’t appear to be a total idiot. If he liked comics and music Gerard decided the evening might not be a total loss. He had seen Frank scrutinising him with his brown shade of hazel eyes, with were big and round. His skin was pale, and his lips had two healing scars which suggesting he had piercings in them until recently. His hands were tattooed, something Gerard admired as he was too scared to get any ink done on his own body.

‘Not a working one unfortunately, I play in my spare time. I’m working for a studio at the moment, see where it leads me.’

‘Awesome. What do you play?’

‘Guitar mostly, but I can play a bass as well.’

The two women smiled at each other as the two men began conversing, satisfied that their plan had worked.

‘Told you they’d get along’ Lindsey gloated.  


### Notes


	3. Chapter Three

  
Frank couldn’t help but notice Gerard’s freakishly small teeth. They were small enough to make him wonder if his baby teeth were still intact. His eyes kept on flickering towards them as though studying them for long enough would bring him the answer. He didn’t care about being rude; he didn’t know the guy well enough to actually care about his opinion. He did seem like a nice guy; he was into comics and music and to his chagrin they were getting along nicely. Even as his attention was on the man sitting across from him, from his peripheral vision he could tell Jamia was watching them with a smirk that told him this wouldn’t be the last time they would meet. It made him wish that Lindsey was dating an asshole that he genuinely couldn’t stand to be around. If it had gone badly he would be free from any future ‘double dates’. Not that this night was a total drag, but he preferred to spend his time doing anything else but sitting in a small, too bright diner with two people he didn’t know.

‘Do you play in any bands?’ Gerard asked while dipping his fries in ketchup with slow graceful movements. He stuffed them into his mouth without caring that Frank was looking at him as he ate. He didn’t seem like a guy who suffered from a lack of self confidence or self consciousness. It was a trait Frank admired. Confident people were less likely to bullshit or waste your time. They didn’t need to try too hard to gain your attention, they assumed they had it and whatever they had to say was automatically of interest to you even if it wasn’t. Gerard was that kind of guy, and far from it being annoying it only served to endear him to Frank. He didn’t seem to hold back either which Frank found refreshing.

‘I’ve played in a few but right now I’m in a band called Pency Prep. I do vocals and guitar’

‘I use to play in band myself until I got kicked out.’

Frank furrowed his brow, begrudgingly curious.

‘Why were you kicked out?’ Frank questioned as he took a sip of his soda.

‘I couldn’t play Sweet Home Alabama on the guitar.’ Gerard replied without shame.

Frank snorted. This was a bad move which made his nostrils sting as his soda came out his nose. He grabbed a napkin quickly, but Gerard had already seen the horrific sight. Before he could stop himself Gerard let out a girly giggle that made the two girls stare at him, interrupting the conversation they had found so utterly engrossing that they had ignored the two men for half an hour.

‘Oh shut up’ Frank muttered, which resulted in Gerard laughing even louder. Frank’s normally cool composure started to slip when he noticed people were starting to peek in their direction to see what the fuss was about. It didn’t help when Lindsey started giggling, in turn making Jamia laugh. Frank’s pale skin turned a shade of pink as his eyes narrowed at Gerard. His eyes were shinning with amusement at Frank’s unfortunate incident, emphasising the honey coloured flecks in his hazel eyes. Frank noticed with an uncomfortable flip of his stomach that they were quite beautiful eyes for a guy.

‘Sorry dude’ Gerard apologised, his tone making it clear that he wasn’t sorry at all. His smile was too wide and his eyes widened with insincerity. He obviously took pleasure in Frank’s discomfort, much to everybody’s delight except Frank’s.

‘At least I can play a simple song on the guitar’ Frank snapped childishly, shutting Gerard up with flushed cheeks.

‘Touché’ he murmured, his eyes narrowing with annoyance.

Jamia was watching him with a worried glance, her teeth pulling at her plump bottom lip with anxiety. Frank knew he could use this opportunity to make sure he would never have to meet this guy again. He could turn into an asshole, act like a big child and stay quiet with contempt that would infect the rest of the table. A quick glance at Jamia’s and Lindsey’s saddened faces was enough to scratch that idea out completely. It meant a lot to them for the two men to get along, perhaps even become friends and he didn’t have the heart to go out of his way to be a dick for no reason other than his displeasure at being inconvenienced. Jamia didn’t ask for much from him, other than his time and affection. It wasn’t as though the guy was a jerk, in fact most of the night he was doing his best to get along with Frank. It wasn’t such a hard task considering their very similar tastes in hobbies but it could have been a lot worse.

‘I could give you some lessons if you want’ Frank offered before his brain had fully engaged with his mouth to filter his thoughts. The minute they left his mouth he wanted to groan at his stupidity, but chances were they guy wouldn’t take him up on it.

‘Thanks man’ Gerard’s smile was sincere, but it was Jamia’s happy face that got Frank’s attention.

Frank snatched his veggie burger of the white plate and took a bite, shrugging his shoulders instead of giving a verbal response. Gerard grabbed more of his fries and ate them silently, letting the conversation lull while they ate. Gerard snuck a glance at the two women who were picking at their food while talking, not bothered about the food turning cold while they talked as though they hadn’t seen each other in years. Gerard looked up to see Frank was staring at the same thing, and once their eyes met Gerard rolled his eyes and smirked, earning a smirk from Frank as they both thought the same thing.

‘How long do you think we’ll be forced to sit here for?’ Frank eventually broke the strangely comfortable silence between them.

‘At least another half hour, if we’re lucky’ Gerard answered with a sigh.

‘Shit dude, I’m gonna miss the new episode of Soprano’s’ Frank muttered angrily.

‘Don’t remind me. Trust them to pick a night when there’s actually something decent on.’

‘You’d swear they did it on purpose.’

‘Nah man, they just don’t give a shit about good TV.’

Frank sniggered, earning a glance from Jamia. He gave her his shy smile, the one he knew she loved. It made her cheeks turn a light shade of pink, something that had never changed in all the years we had dated. She turned her attention back to Lindsey acting as though she was unflustered. Frank was certain if he held her hand her palms would be sweaty. He enjoyed the effect he had on her, especially when it came so effortlessly to him. She was easy to please, easy to live with and definitely easy on the eyes. He knew he was a lucky guy to have her.

*************************************************************************

‘I told you it wouldn’t be so bad’ Lindsey gloated with glee as she walked hand in hand with Gerard back to their apartment. The night had fallen and the street they walked down was lit with the yellow light from the streetlamps and the moonlight. The night sky was clear from any clouds so that the moon and the stars were out to shine in all their glory. It was an oddly romantic sight as they languidly made their way home, both of them full after eating too much food followed by a beer in the bar across the street. Gerard had to begrudgingly admit that the evening didn’t turn out to be the hellish nightmare he had envisioned. Frank was an interesting guy who had similar tastes to him. Lindsey had been right in her assumption that they would get along.

‘Okay, you were right. Are you happy now?’ he muttered childishly with a smile on his face.

‘Yup.’

There was a moment of silence before Lindsey spoke again.

‘So, are you gonna take him up on his offer? I think it’d be great for you to get a few lessons, it might improve your guitar skills a little’ she spoke carelessly.

‘What’s wrong with my guitar playing?’

She smiled indulgently at him, hiding her desire to laugh at his insulted expression.

‘You admitted yourself in the past you wished you could play a bit better…a few lessons couldn’t hurt. Anyway, you two seemed to get along great tonight, it wouldn’t be so bad to hang out with him, would it? Jamia’s worried he isn’t being social enough since he moved into the city, he could probably do with a friend. So could you.’

Gerard held in a sigh, hating that she was intertwining good logic with manipulation to get what she wanted. He loved Lindsey and how she always got her way but sometimes it got a little frustrating, especially when she was right.

‘Maybe. I’ll see, okay?’ he conceded.

‘Cool. I’ll get his number off Jamia for you.’

‘Just great’ he mumbled.  



	4. Chapter Four

  
The next week went by quickly for Frank, who was pulling even more hours in the studio to help the new band set everything up to record their first album. It was a learning curve for him _and_ the band but all in all it was going well. It was tough, he wasn’t going to lie and he felt exhausted every night he came home. He didn’t even have the energy to have sex he was so goddamn tired. All he wanted to do when he came home was to sit in front of the couch, chill out for an hour before going to bed. It was a Friday evening, and he was just thankful that he was off for the weekend. The band was playing a couple of local gigs so they were taking a break from the studio in order to practice and explore the city a bit. They were nice guys, but they were so full of energy and enthusiasm that it was hard to deal with it all and smile all the time. They were young though, so he couldn’t really blame them. He had been their age once, he remembered being able to party all night and still managing to make it in to class the next day and pass his exams. He didn’t have that stamina anymore though.

‘We should go out tonight!’ Jamia piped up when she came out of the shower. She wore nothing but a towel that was wrapped tightly around her. He couldn’t help but smile a little at the sight. He might have been tired but it didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate the view.

‘Maybe tomorrow night Jamia, I’m fucking exhausted.’

‘You’ve been exhausted all week Frank.’ She snapped.

He could see the pent up frustration and anger on her face. He was stunned to realise she was so annoyed with him. She hadn’t given him any indication but then again he wondered if he should really been surprised. They hadn’t spent any time together during the week, or at least not any proper couple time. He came home, drank a beer and slouched on the couch before going to bed every night so perhaps she was entitled to be a bit pissed off. It didn’t stop the anger rising in him though. Sure she was right to be pissed off, but from his point of view he was entitled to just relax sometimes without anybody _expecting_ something from him. He was doing his best to get into the production side of a tough industry, something Jamia had been supportive of for the most part and for her to suddenly turn around and be angry over it was nothing short of infuriating.

‘Of course I’m fucking tired Jamia, I’ve been working twelve hour shifts in the studio! Jesus Christ, what do you expect from me?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, maybe just a _little_ bit of your time perhaps or a bit of fucking recognition that I exist?’ she hissed.

He couldn’t stop the angry breathy scoff that left his lips.

‘Sorry I haven’t been pandering to you for once. Remind me never to be human every once in a while.’

He regretted the words the minute they were spoken, especially when he saw the hurt look on Jamia’s face. They rarely argued or fought, but when they did Frank was always the one to feel like shit. Jamia had a way of making him feel guilty just by the way she would look at him with her big, brown eyes. They wounded look was too much for him to bear so he would always give in.

‘Sorry’ he sighed, getting up from the couch and walking over to her, pulling her into his arms and cuddling her before she got angry and stormed off.

‘No, I’m sorry’ she apologised, wrapping her arms around his waist and cuddling into his chest. ‘I know you’re stressed. I just don’t like when we don’t get to spend time together. It makes me feel like we’re roommates instead of partners, you know?’

He kissed the top of her head.

‘Where do you want to go?’ he asked.

‘No, you’re tired. We can just cuddle on the couch, get a pizza or something?’ she offered.

‘Sounds good to me. We’ll do something next week, I promise.’

***********************************************************************

Gerard watched from the crowd, a smile on his face as his hazel eyes focused on the woman he adored on stage with her band. She was a true rock star through and through; her whole body went into her performance as she thrashed about with her bass as though her life depended on it. It some ways it did. She worked a normal nine to five job, but music was her passion, her outlet to vent her frustration over the daily grind of adulthood. She dressed in short skirts and shirts when she played on stage, doing her best to revert back to her teenage years just for a little while. For Gerard it was always a joy to see other men drooling over her knowing that he was the one that got to take her home at the end of the night. He was the one that shared her bed and had the right to touch her whenever he wanted. He relished the fact.

The venue was a small club in the centre of the city that had a very alternative feel to it. The bands that graced the stage previously were all up and coming musicians and Gerard could see Lindsey’s band going somewhere. Not successful in a Metallica way but probably enough to make a living off it. They tapped into something rock seemed to be missing lately; it was something in their ‘fuck you world’ attitude that drew the crowds in. He had been a fan of the band from their beginning. He had actually met Lindsey at one of her gigs years ago. She enjoyed reminding him that he was technically a groupie. He didn’t mind too much though because it was true.

When they band finished they went backstage to load their gear up. Gerard went to the bar to order a couple of drinks for him and Lindsey. It was going to be a late night, he could feel it already. Lindsey would be too riled up to go home anytime soon. He’d rather just go home and fuck her senseless but delayed gratification would be on the cards tonight.

‘Hey baby’ she came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind. He turned his head to face her, a smile forming on his face. He gave her a quick peck and grabbed their drinks, handing her some girlie cocktail he knew she’d love. She took a sip, appearing to like it when she took a long gulp of the sweet concoction.

‘Hey, there’s someone I’d like you to meet. She’s an old friend from high school; I think you’d like her!’

Gerard just gave her a fleeting smile before linking their hands together and letting her lead the way to a table that was occupied by the guitarist of the band and a blond girl he’d never met before. She was pretty, that he couldn’t deny. She had a small build, large blue eyes and a nice smile. Her teeth were a little big but it didn’t detract from her beauty. Even from her sitting position Gerard could tell her black dress was barely concealing her modesty. Her breasts were barely contained in the plunging neckline.

‘Gerard this is Susan.’

‘Nice to meet you’ Gerard offered her a hand, which she took with what he assumed was supposed to be a seductive smile. In reality, it came across as a little sleazy. He just smiled at her, shaking her hand with a loose grip. Throughout the night Gerard took in the woman’s body language. She would lean forward when talking to him, trying to close the gap between them in a flirty manner. She would subtly bat her eyelashes and occasional twirl a loose strand of her wavy hair. He prided himself on being able to read people, and this girl was doing her best to show her interest in him. It was flattering, making him grin and flirt back just to see how far she would take it. Lindsey was unaffected by this, and it was the smile on her face that let Gerard know exactly what was on her mind. Lindsey even encouraged her friend’s behaviour, telling her to sit beside Gerard when she left to go to the ladies room. When last orders were called Susan finished her drink with one last sip and declared she was heading home. Lindsey raised a questioning eyebrow at Gerard, and smirked when he answered with an approving nod.

‘We have some wine at our place if you want to come. You’re more than welcome to stay.’ Lindsey offered.

‘Aw, thanks Lindsey. Are you sure you don’t mind?’ Susan asked Gerard, acting a little shy.

‘Not at all Susan. The more the merrier.’  



	5. Chapter Five

  
Sunday morning Gerard woke to find Lindsey was already up. Susan was still sleeping soundlessly next to him in the bed, completely naked but for the sheet that covered her. He smirked at the memories from the night before. Threesomes were an occasional indulgence for him and Lindsey, something that had been of her suggestion. He was one of the few lucky men out there who got the opportunity to sleep with other women while in a committed relationship. It wasn’t an open relationship, which was something Gerard didn’t agree with. Agreeing to share the person you love on a full time basis didn’t feel right to him; he was far too jealous a person for that. He saw the inclusion of another person in their sex life every once in a while as an entirely different category all together. It didn’t happen too often. In fact, it was only the third time they had done such a thing but it was a nice little kink in their sex lives none the less. Unlike Gerard, Lindsey was not at all insecure or jealous so she had no qualms about her boyfriend having sex with another woman. She knew he loved and adored her. He planned on marrying her one day, something he had told her very early on in the relationship. He had fallen head over heels for her, with her lip gloss smile and scrapped up knees from all her prancing around on stage. He loved everything about her, even her imperfections. She was well aware of this, and that was all she needed to feel secure to be herself and explore some of her fantasies with him.

Susan shifted beside him, stirring in her sleep. He crawled out of the bed, pulling his boxers on and left the room before any awkward ‘morning after’ conversation could take place. It was definitely not on his list of favourite conversations, especially not when his head was feeling a little fuzzy from the night before. He strolled into the living room and quickly realised Lindsey wasn’t anywhere in sight. He could hear a familiar hum that came from the electric shower in the bathroom. With a self satisfied smile he entered the bathroom, pulling his boxers off before joining Lindsey under the steaming water.

**************************************************************************

It was a Wednesday night and Frank was cuddled up on the couch with Jamia. Since their mini argument he had been forcing himself to try and spend more time with Jamia, even if it was just cuddling with her on the couch and including her in his TV gazing. It hadn’t been brought up again so Frank assumed he was doing enough to satisfy her need for ‘couple time’. They were watching a rerun on TV, both of them with a beer in hand when Frank’s phone buzzed on the small coffee table his feet were resting on. With a groan and a sigh he sat up quickly, snatching his phone in one swift move before leaning back on the couch and wrapping his arm around Jamia again. His eyebrows rose in confusion when he saw a number he didn’t recognise on the screen. He never gave his number out to anybody he didn’t know, and he was certain nobody would ask for his number. Curiosity made his accept the call as he relaxed on the couch.

‘Hello?’ he answered with uncertainty evident in his tone.

‘Hi, is this Frank?’ the caller responded quickly.

Frank recognised the voice straight away.

‘Gerard?’ he questioned.

‘Yeah, did I call you at a bad time?’ Gerard questioned, not sounding too concerned.

‘No. not at all’ Frank automatically replied, his manners kicking in.

‘Cool. I was just wondering if you were still up for giving me a few guitar lessons.’

Frank repressed the groan that was desperate to escape. He didn’t think the guy would actually accept the offer he so stupidly made. Now he was stuck. Jamia was gazing up at him, her head resting on his chest. She could hear the voice on the other end of the phone, and he immediately knew by the pleased expression she was wearing that she had given Gerard his number. He narrowed his eyes at her, showing her his blatant unhappiness at the situation he now found himself in. There was no way he could take it back unless he wanted to come across as a complete douche. While he didn’t care too much about what the man on the other end thought, he was certain Jamia wouldn’t let it go. Plus, it wasn’t in his nature to be an asshole just because something displeased him. He was an adult, who had to deal with the consequences of making a stupid offer. It wasn’t Gerard’s fault that Frank had felt the need to cover up his awkwardness by suggesting he would be happy to spend more time with him.

‘Uh, sure. That’s not a problem. I’m working all week, but I should be free over the weekend if that suits?’ Frank offered, while in his mind he was screaming ‘say no, say no!’

‘That’s perfect man. I’ll give you a text later in the week and we can work something out.’

‘That’s fine.’

‘Thanks man’ was the last thing Frank heard before Gerard hung up abruptly.

Frank was a bit surprised by the rudeness of the other man. He gave his phone a quizzical look as though it would give him an explanation to the sudden end to the very unexpected call. He let out a sigh and gently placed his phone on the arm of the couch where he had been resting his free arm. He knew it would only be a matter of seconds before Jamia broke the silence.

‘Who was that?’ she inquired, the knowing smile further proving she knew exactly who had disturbed their peaceful evening.

‘You know who it was, why bother asking?’ he responded monotonously.

She shrugged, unaffected by his accusation.

‘What did he want?’ she asked.

‘He wants me to give him a few guitar lessons over the weekend. No big deal’ he informed her.

‘Don’t be so grouchy about it Frank. He’s a nice guy, plus it’ll be good for you to socialise a bit.’

‘I socialise plenty’ he countered.

‘Work doesn’t really count, Frank. Since we’ve moved into the city you haven’t seen any of your friends. You should at least try to make some new friends, you know?’ her tone was stern but gentle, like a kindergarten teacher.

‘I don’t need new friends Jamia. I like the ones I have. Don’t try and push this too much Jamia, ‘cos it’ll only have the opposite effect. I’ll socialise and ‘make friends’ on my own terms. I don’t need you to mother me into it, okay.’

‘Fine’ she sighed angrily, not moving from her comfortable position leaning against him but he could see how her body tensed in annoyance.

‘I know you mean well, but I’m a big boy Jamia. If I feel the need to hang out with a few friends I’ll do it. I’m just not one of those people who need to have their friends around all the time, you know that’ he spoke with a gentler voice.

‘You’re right, I’m sorry babe. I just don’t want you to isolate yourself too much.’

She lifted her head off his chest and placed a chaste kiss on his lips.

‘I won’t, I promise.’  



	6. Chapter Six

  
Frank sat waiting in his apartment, his knees bouncing up and down slightly as he stared at the television. Gerard was due to call in fifteen minutes and Jamia had decided that since Frank was otherwise occupied that it would be a good excuse for her to go out shopping. He desperately wanted a cigarette, but Jamia refused to let him light one up in the apartment and he couldn’t go out onto the balcony in case he didn’t hear Gerard buzz the intercom. All he wanted was to relax, maybe go to the mall with Jamia or to the movies. It was killing him that he had to sit in and play nice with some guy he barely knew. Granted, Gerard seemed like a nice guy all things considered but he wasn’t happy about wasting his precious free time with the guy.  
The crackling buzz of the intercom informed Frank that Gerard had arrived. Out of habit Frank checked his watch, noting that Gerard was on time. He was a little surprised considering that he had arrived late to their last meeting. With a heavy sigh Frank pushed himself off the couch, groaning when he heard his knees click. With a few rushed steps he made it over to the white intercom located beside the door.

‘Hello?’ he spoke as he held the talk button.

‘Hey, it’s Gerard’ the increasingly familiar voice replied.

‘I’ll buzz you up, it’s apartment 23’ Frank reminded him.

He walked into the kitchen, grabbing himself a beer out of the fridge and opening the can. He had just taken his first mouthful when there was a wrap at the door. Beer still in hand, he opened door. His eyes racked in the sight of the man in front of him. Gerard’s hair was messy and his white skin looked even paler than the last day they had met. His leather jacket was slightly worn looking, but it suited him. His brown t-shirt and blue jeans were loose and comfortable looking and finished off with a pair of black boots. His look was quite similar to Frank’s outfit, who was in jeans and white t shirt and chucks.

‘C’mon in’ Frank held the door open for the taller man to enter, who greeted him with a nod.

‘Thanks’ he replied.

Gerard stood in the living room for a moment, shrugging his acoustic guitar off his back while taking a fleeting look around. The place was immaculately clean. There wasn’t a speck of dust to be found. The small coffee table near the brown couch was almost glistening with a polished sheen, as was the wooden table stashed away in the corner of the living room near the kitchen. There was no door to block the view of the kitchen, which was as pristine as the living room. It always amused Gerard when he walked into the home of a clean freak. Gerard found it strange that some people couldn’t handle a bit of dirt or chaos. To Gerard, a home should be comfortable and lived in. It didn’t have to be perfect and spotless. It made a home boring, and oh so tedious with all the time that was needed to keep the place spick and span. He enjoyed leaving his comics out on the living room table, along with his day old mug of coffee from when he had stayed up late reading the latest comic. He enjoyed spotting Lindsey’s red lip gloss on the mantel piece because she had been in a rush in the morning. All those things were memories, and the made a place a home. People who were afraid of mess were afraid to live. Gerard kept these thoughts to himself though.

‘Nice place’ was the comment he made instead.

It was a nice apartment, in that there was nothing wrong with the place. It just needed a more homely touch, but that was none of his concern.

‘Thanks’ Frank muttered awkwardly before adding ‘would you like something to drink? I have beer if you want some.’

Gerard eyes the beer that was tightly clenched in Frank’s hand. He wouldn’t have thought as Frank as a day drinker, but the offer was too good to refuse.

‘Beer would be great actually.’

Frank didn’t respond, he merely walked to his refrigerator and pulled out another can before handing it to Gerard.

‘Take a seat’ he gestured towards the couch ‘I left my guitar in the bedroom. I’ll be just a second.’

Gerard sat down on the couch, opening his can and putting in down on the table in front of the couch. He unzipped the black case that encased his guitar, gently picking it up. The guitar was his pride and joy, even if it couldn’t play it too well. It gave him endless joy to play, almost as much as drawing did. Music and art were his two big passions in life. He chose art because it was easier to carve a career out of through comics. Both industries were impossible, but if he worked hard enough he had a better chance at succeeding with his art. If he didn’t make it with comics, he could try cartoon illustration. Worst case scenario was teaching art. Music was a different ball game altogether. It was far more personal for him, and if he failed the rejection would be bitterer to swallow. He admired Frank for trying to make a name for himself in an industry that was notoriously hard to get into. Passion and dedication were needed to make any sort of head way, something he could see Frank had an abundance of.

‘Sorry’ Frank apologised when he came back in.

‘No worries. I really hope I’m not holding you back from anything’ Gerard felt obliged to ask.

‘No, not at all. So, what kind of lessons are you looking for? I mean, do you want to go over basics or…’

‘Nah, I have the basic stuff down. I just have a hard time with some of the more complicated stuff, like power cords and shit. I tend to get a bit jumbled up sometimes when I’m playing as well, my fingers slip quite a bit.’

Frank nodded while Gerard spoke, making Gerard wonder what he was thinking. This thought made Gerard frown. He never really cared about what others thought of him, but for some reason he actually cared about what Frank thought of him.

‘Okay. You probably just need more practice more than anything when it comes to the slippage. How often do you play?’ Frank spoke thoughtfully.

‘Honestly, not as much as I would like…maybe a couple of times a month?’

Frank shook his head with a slightly exasperated look on his face.

‘Well, you’ll never progress if you’re not playing consistently. You need to practice more if you want me to give you lessons. No offence but it’ll be wasting my time otherwise.’

Gerard chuckled, not at all perturbed.

‘Alright, point taken. I’ll put more effort in.’

‘Good. Okay, so how about we try Sweet Home Alabama?’ Frank suggested with a wide smile on his face that let Gerard know Frank was making fun of him.

A couple of hours later Gerard seemed to have gotten the song down fairly well. Frank had to admit he was surprised. The impression he had gotten from Gerard was that he wasn’t very good. From what Frank could see Gerard had good potential; he just didn’t have the patience to practice enough to acquire the proficiency he wanted.

‘Alright, maybe we should leave it there for now. We’ll pick it up again next week, maybe even start something new.’ Frank suggested as his wrist began to ache a little. It had been a while since he had sat down and played pretty much nonstop for hours.

‘Thank fuck, my wrist is hurting like a bitch’ Gerard replied with relief.

Frank noticed how Gerard spoke from the side of his mouth sometimes. It was a strange habit for someone to have, but it made him seem more quirky than Frank first thought. There was a silence that lingered for a few awkward seconds until Frank’s need to avoid awkward silences made itself known again.

‘You want another beer?’

Gerard studied Frank closely for a second, trying to decipher if it was a genuine offer or not. Then Lindsey’s words about him being more social came back to haunt him.

‘Sure, why not’ he replied with a smile, zipping his guitar back into its case. Frank stood up without another word, guitar in hand. He walked back into the room he had retrieved his guitar from earlier, putting it back on its rightful stand before heading straight into the kitchen and grabbing two beers. He strolled back into the living room to find Gerard peeking through his DVD collection. Gerard seemed to sense Frank’s presence straight away, turning to face him.

‘You got some good stuff here, I’ve gotta say I’m impressed’ Gerard told him without any shame or embarrassment at being caught snooping.

‘Thanks’ Frank muttered, handing Gerard a cold beer.

‘Aw man, this had gotta be one of the best films of all time’ Gerard spoke excitedly as he pulled out a copy of Blade Runner.

‘I couldn’t agree more. I haven’t watched it in forever though’ Frank agreed, admiring Gerard’s choice in film.

‘Me neither’ Gerard was reading the back of the DVD case.

‘Shall I put it on?’ Frank asked, deciding that since Gerard was staying for at least another beer he may as well put on a movie to ease any awkwardness.

‘Hell yeah.’

Gerard handed Frank the DVD before cracking the can of beer in hands open. Frank set up the DVD while Gerard made himself comfortable on the couch, slouching and relaxing as though he had been in Frank’s home before. Frank didn’t seem to mind as he sat on the other side of the couch, remote in hand.

As much as Frank hated to admit it, there were worse ways to spend his Saturdays.  



	7. Chapter Seven

When Jamia made it home that evening she couldn’t hide her shock at seeing Gerard, who was firmly planted on her couch with a half full beer in hand. Both men were slouched, feet resting on the coffee table while their eyes remained glued on the television, either unaware or uncaring that she had arrived. She studied the two men silently from the doorway, waiting for some acknowledgement that she existed. It didn’t take too long before she realised that it was useless to wait for them to use the manners their mothers had taught them. She wasn’t too fazed by the rude behaviour. It only served to reinforce her belief that the two of them would be good friends if they spent enough time together. While neither of them were talking it was easy to see they had become comfortable in each other’s company at the very least. Their mirrored body language was enough to tell her that, which was relaxed and carefree as they paid no attention to anything but the TV in from of them.  
  
‘Hey guys’ she greeted the men, her tone full of cheer as she alerted them of her presence.  
  
They both looked at her for two seconds before returning their gazes to the television. She wasn’t impressed by Frank’s half-hearted grunted reply which muddled with Gerard’s slightly more friendly ‘Hey’. She stared at them incredulously, astounding at the blatant lack of care they showed. She lets out a sigh, praying this it wouldn’t end up with Gerard staying late into the night so the two men could drink themselves into a stupid mess, landing her with the job of picking up after them and their idiocy. If that’s what they wanted they could do it elsewhere. She was not cleaning up after their mess.  
  
‘So, what are you guys up to?’ She asked, forcing herself to remain friendly and calm.  
  
‘Blade Runner’ was Frank’s short reply.  
  
‘Will I make some dinner?’ she tried again, hoping to get some conversation going that consisted of more than one word replies.  
  
‘Nah, we ordered pizza earlier. There’re a couple of slices left for you if you want it, it’s in the kitchen. I left it in the box for you.’  
  
She rolled her eyes to the heavens, shaking her head in exasperation. She supposed she should be grateful that they had thought of her at all.  
  
‘Fine. Whatever. You guys better clean up the mess, ‘cos I’m not doing it’ she failed to keep the irritation out of her voice, not that she cared when the two men were being rude themselves. She began to wonder if it was a good thing to introduce the two men.  
  
‘I always do the cleaning anyway’ Frank muttered without hesitation, ignoring the cold stare from Jamia. In his defence, he was the one that cleaned up every day.  
  
This earned a childish snigger from a slightly intoxicated Gerard, who in turn earned a death glare from Jamia. He stopped abruptly when he caught the look on her face, turning his focus back on the television in an embarrassed silence. She was about to turn around and walk away when Gerard spoke suddenly.  
  
‘Hey, Lindsey is playing another gig tonight. You guys want to come along?’ he offered.  
  
Jamia was about to ask where the gig was being held when Frank answered.  
  
‘Sure, I don’t see why not. You wanna go?’ Frank looked at Jamia as he spoke, waiting for her reaction. She was surprised by his desire to go out, but it was far from unwelcome. He had been so tired lately that he had taken to never going out. One evening spent in someone else’s company and he was ready to go back out into the real world to take part in one of his favourite past times. Jamia felt an unexplainable sting of jealousy. How could Gerard get Frank to loosen up in one evening, when she had been trying unsuccessfully for a month? It hurts her pride, but she shrugged it off, reminding herself that it didn’t matter if Gerard was the one who could get him to be his old self again, as long as someone had done it.  
  
‘Uh, sure. That sounds great actually. What time is it at?’ she asked.  
  
‘They’re due on stage at half nine, so we should probably be there before nine if we want to get a good spot in the pit.’ Gerard’s tone suggested that he didn’t care too much, but there was a little smile on his face that betrayed his excitement.  
  
Jamia could see that he was supportive of Lindsey, proud even, of what she did as a hobby in her spare time. It was sweet to see how he didn’t need words to make his love and admiration of Lindsey obvious. The light in his eyes and the smile on his face made it clear how he felt. She wondered if other people could see something similar in Frank when he spoke about her, or if they were together so long that she was no longer something that excited his emotions. She knew in her heart he loved her, but she couldn’t help, but miss the early days where his feelings were more obvious. He used to be made fun of by his friends when they first began dating due to the fact he would blush whenever her name was mentioned. Of course she knew that time and familiarity changed those things and not always for the worse, but there was something so gratifying about being about to bring out a subconscious reaction in someone without trying.  
  
Jamia checked her watch, shocked to find it was nearing half seven. She hadn’t realised just how late it was after she got distracted, courtesy of a colleague who insisted that they have a coffee together. It had been fun, the two of them gossiping away for what had only felt like an hour. She had rushed off in the end, afraid that Frank would be at home alone, moping about or possibly playing his guitar and enjoying his solitude. Little did she realise that he was far from both.  
  
‘I’m going to go get ready then’ she informed the two men, who nodded at her in an eerily synchronised motion.  
  
She quickly jumped into the shower before she changed into something that was more rock gig worthy. She wore a pair of dark denim shorts over ripped tights and knee high laced boots. Her fitted black band t-shirt was paired with a leather jacket. She lined her eyes with charcoal black pencil and her lips were smeared with clear gloss. When she was happy with her appearance she joined the men in the sitting room. Frank eyes her up and down when she made her entrance. Her stomach fluttered when she saw the appreciative smirk on his face.  
  
‘You look good.’  
  
His tone was low, the same one he used when he was turned on. Even Gerard gives her an appreciative glance, a little surprised smirk on his thin lips.  
  
‘We should probably go’ Gerard breaks the short silence.  
  
Both men finish their beers quickly, Gerard beating Frank in the unspoken contest. Gerard stands up, grabbing his jacket which had been carelessly tossed over the back of one of the chairs. Frank picks out his leather jacket which had been neatly hung on the coat rack beside the door.  
  
‘Is everybody ready?’ Frank asked while shrugging on his jacket.  
  
Frank grabs a hold of Jamia’s hand before opening the door, leading the trio out of the apartment.  
  
‘You guys are in for a good night’ Gerard promised, his excitement palpable and infectious.  



	8. Chapter Eight

They made it to the bar in good time, avoiding the big crowd that would start to filter in over the next half an hour. The conversation was flowing on their short walk to the venue, all of them in good spirits and ready to enjoy the gig. The two men’s slightly inebriated state was infectious to Jamia, who found she couldn’t help laughing along at their drunken banter. Her earlier annoyance was forgotten about as she revelled in the excitement of having a night out with her boyfriend. It had been a long time since the two of them had gone out to a gig and got drunk to the point where neither of them could remember how they got home. Life after college was taking its toll on the two of them, so much so that the fun and excitement that they had lived for had all but disappeared as they tried to cope with the new found responsibilities that life had suddenly thrown at them. College hadn’t prepared them for the reality of working in crappy jobs for crappy pay while they tried to make a name for themselves in the world. The stress was affecting Frank more than Jamia, but that didn’t mean that she was immune from the crushing disappointment of what it meant to be a fully responsible, productive member of society.

 Since they left the apartment, Gerard had done most of the talking, barely giving Frank a word in edge ways.  Frank knew in the back of his mind that it was only because of the alcohol in his system that he was able to tolerate Gerard’s new found chatty nature. Gerard’s teeth were on constant show during his incessant talk about the last ‘Doom’ comic he bought, and how ‘absolutely amazing’ it was. Frank would just nod and smile, which was all Gerard needed to continue on his rant. Frank found it strangely adorable, how a guy was so much more likeable when he wasn’t so reserved. Frank was fascinated by the change, and while it annoyed him on one level, he found himself laughing at Gerard’s antics and passionate way of speaking, hanging on to everything he said. He didn’t listen because he felt obliged to be polite; he was enjoying Gerard’s company, and he found himself agreeing with Gerard’s opinions.

“Hey man, how’s it going?” Gerard bellowed at the bouncer outside the bar, the alcohol increasing the volume of his voice and his sociability. The bouncer was a tough looking guy who gave off an ‘I’ll beat the shit out of you if you annoy me’ vibe. He wore a black shirt with black slacks and his blond hair was short and gelled to perfection. He was dressed semi casually but it didn’t detract from his intimidating presence. It was easy to see how he got hired for the job.

“Gerard! Long time no see!” the bouncer greeted him with a friendliness that was at complete odds with his scary image. The intimidating stance disappeared in an instant, replaced with a more relaxed stance and an easy smile.

“Guys, this is Bob. Bob, this is Frank and Jamia.” Gerard’s voice continued to ring out loudly, the alcohol making him impervious to the volume.

“Nice to meet you guys. I take it Gerard dragged you here, huh?”

“Of course I did, how else would you get anybody in here?” Gerard giggled at his own joke.

“Get the fuck in before I kick your ass” Bob threatened, but the smile on his face took away reassured Frank and Jamia that he was joking. Neither of them wanted to see what it would be like to get on his bad side.

“Later dude.”

Gerard led the way inside, practically bouncing on his heels as they headed straight for the bar. When Gerard greeted the barman as happily as he’d greeted Bob, Frank decided that it definitely wasn’t his first time coming to the club. He ordered a round of shots before Frank could open his mouth, eagerly handing them a shot of tequila each to get the night started.

“You’ll thank me later” he stated before downing the shot in one go.

“Ugh, I’m going to regret this in the morning” Jamia muttered before downing the liquid in record time. Frank followed suit, slamming his glass down and wiping his mouth.

“Fuck, I forgot how vile that shit is” Frank spluttered his disgust, feeling his stomach churn as it made its way into his stomach. He took in a deep breath, clenching his stomach muscles as they fought to get rid of the tequila in his system. He cursed his weak stomach which made him unable to handle shots. He would never let it show though; he had struggled through as a teenager to keep up with his friends, and he wasn’t about to let the years of training go to waste. He was certain that he would be puking his guts up in the bathroom later, but it would be worth it if he could save face in front of Gerard. He didn’t know why it mattered if Gerard liked him or not but, he realised that for some reason it did matter to him. He didn’t know when the transition happened, he assumed it somewhere between watching the film and when Jamia came home, but he realised that he liked Gerard’s company. He liked how he used his hands to emphasise his point when he talked, and he liked how similar their opinions were. More than that, Gerard was someone who might actually be worth his time. Gerard made him want to go out and socialise. Frank had cooped himself up for so long that he had forgotten what it was like to _want_ to go out. Frank was beginning to concede that Jamia was right about Gerard possibly being a good influence.

 “It’s one of those necessary evils. Being drunk makes it easier to handle the crowds when they get going. The mosh pit tends to get a bit intense when they play” Gerard commented, before calling for the barman again and ordering another round of shots.

Gerard wasn’t wrong about the mosh pit. They made their way to the barrier when the crowd began to spill into the club. In a matter of ten minutes the pit began to fill, and before long Frank found it necessary to stand behind Jamia with his arms on either side of her so that her tiny frame wouldn’t get crushed against the barrier. His hands clasped the metal barrier with a strong grip, trying to ignore the crowd behind him. Gerard was in a world of his own and had finally stopped talking but his anticipation was palpable. His cheeks were slightly flushed from the increasing heat of the pit and his eyes shined with excitement. The band arrived on stage and Frank braced himself when the crowd surged forward. In reality there were only about fifty or so people, but it felt as though they were in an arena with the heat and lack of space to breathe. The crowd was pumped and ready to get lost in the music much like Frank, who was in his element. The band started without any introduction, but they didn’t need to build up any more frenzy. Frank couldn’t deny that he admired the band’s passion and controlled chaos on stage, and he was surprised that the band weren’t signed yet. They were unrestrained and played for the love of music, and they were everything he would want in a band as a producer. He made a mental note to ask if they had a demo he could give to his boss. The forty minutes they spent on stage wasn’t long enough for Frank who was completely caught up in the music. The band reminded him of the reason why he wanted to get into music production. The band was far from perfect but Frank saw that the band had so much potential and could definitely gain a cult following if they got the chance.

Gerard disappeared when the crowd dispersed to Frank’s surprise, but he didn’t let it bother him. Frank didn’t want his night to end so soon, not when his adrenaline was bumping widely. Jamia’s smile was told him she was on the same wavelength as him, her small body following him to the bar to order another round of drinks.

“They were really good, I don’t know why we haven’t seen them before” Frank mused out loud, leaning his torso against the bar with a hand on his bottle of beer.

“Because you were too busy being a recluse, that’s why” Jamia pointed out bitterly.

Frank opened his mouth ready to defend himself when a hand shot out of nowhere, pinching the bottle out his hand. He pivoted instantly, finding a smiling Gerard behind him, gulping from his bottle.

“Fucker” Frank glared, earning a uncaring shrug from Gerard.

“You should have had a drink ready for me, fucker. Anyway, you snooze you lose.”

Frank rolled his eyes, ordering another drink. Lindsey had joined them, standing beside Jamia with an ease that was surprising when she had been on stage only ten minutes before. Frank didn’t dare to interrupt the conversation for fear of more snide comments from Jamia. So he focused his attention on the drunken man who had squeezed himself beside Frank.

“I swear man, there’s nothing like seeing your girlfriend on stage. Fucking sexiest thing ever.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

“The rest of the band will be coming out in a second, I’ll take you to meet them. They’re awesome dudes. They’re having an after party somewhere, if you’re up for it?”

“I’ll see what Jamia says” Frank replied, not entirely comfortable with the idea of going to a party where he didn’t know anybody bar Gerard. He had experienced enough of it in college to do him a lifetime.

“C’mon dude, don’t let a woman dictate whether you go to a party. It’s not like you’ve got kids or work in the morning. If you wanna go, just go!”

Frank was stunned that Gerard’s slurred speech was still comprehensible. The words were successful in their attempt at goading Frank to consider going. He shouldn’t hide behind Jamia in order to get out of going. Even if she did say no, which was a big possibility, why should it stop him from going? He had been with Jamia for so long that he had forgotten that he was his own person. Maybe it was just the alcohol talking, but for once he almost hoped she would say no, just so that he could do something on his own, without her influence.

“Screw it, I’ll go” Frank drunkenly agreed.

“That’s my boy!” Gerard giggled, throwing his arm around Frank’s shoulder and pulling him into a hug.“Tonight is going to be awesome man!” 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise profusely for the delay in this chapter. It just fell off the radar. Please forgive me, and I've already began writing the next chapter. It won't be so long for the next one. 
> 
> Lyra

Frank swallowed another shot of some unknown, but extremely potent and vile smelling alcohol. He was blurring the line between tipsy and completely-out-of-his-mind drunk, and loving every second of it. He lost count of how many shots and bottles of beers he’d consumed, but needless to say it was a copious amount. He was grinning stupidly, giggling like a school girl and socialising like a normal human being for the first time in months, although he still stuck closely to Gerard’s side.  In short, he was enjoying himself and it felt good. The tiredness he normally felt decreased with every shot and sip of beer, cocktail and whatever else was handed to him that he greedily gulped. Jamia wasn’t hanging off his arm, enabling him to talk to Gerard and some guy named James, who seemed like a pretty cool guy even by Frank’s standards.  They were talking about how good the gig had been when Jamia suddenly saddled up beside Frank, grabbing his attention with a gently tap on his arm. He fought the urge to roll his eyes, and for an instant he wished she wasn’t even in the bar. The instant the thought entered his mind he felt guilty, even in his inebriated state. Jamia was good to him, amazing even. There was no reason to be pissed with her.

“Frank, I’m getting a bit tired. Do you want to go?”

Her voice, though not loud, was definitely heard by Gerard. Frank could see the smirk on his face out of the corner of his eye. He could see the bags under her eyes, and he knew she wouldn’t be asking unless she was genuinely tired. While the alcohol had gotten rid of Frank’s exhaustion, it had the opposite effect on Jamia. His earlier resolution, to go to the party even if Jamia didn’t want to, softened under the pleading gaze of her warm, brown eyes. Her eyeliner was smudged from the heat, which only enhanced the dark circles under her eyes. Her eyes were glazed from exhaustion and alcohol. Frank could feel Gerard’s eyes on him, watching and judging as Frank struggled. A good boyfriend would wrap his arm around his girlfriend and say ‘Sure honey, whatever you want.” A good boyfriend wouldn’t be so aware of the smirk on Gerard’s face, the one that was goading Frank to say no. The truth was, he didn’t want to go home right then. He was having fun for the first time in ages, something Jamia herself had been nagging him about, and now when he was finally doing what she wanted, she wanted him to go home like a good little boy just because she was tired and ready to go home. He couldn’t ignore the little flare of anger nestling in his chest. After all the time she spent pushing him to go out and be social, the one time he actually does it, she wants to go home before he’s ready. Frank knew it was a little unreasonable, and perhaps selfish, but he wasn’t ready, or willing, to go home quite yet. He couldn’t just come out and say it though. Even in his alcohol induced state, he was aware that saying no would just lead to an argument later. He needed to guilt her into going to the party, or at the very least, guilt her into letting him go without her.

“Gerard just invited us to an after party, Jamia. I already said we’d go.”

Jamia face fell in surprise. She had expected he would want to go home too. She had tried to get him out for so long, meeting with resistance and long suffering sighs at every turn. The little flare of jealousy in her stomach rose up again in her stomach, reminding her that it was Gerard who was the cause of Frank’s sudden sociability. She could see it in Frank’s eyes that he wanted to stay, there was a silent plea behind the alcoholic glaze. She knew she would be the bitchy girlfriend if she made him go home, especially after all her prodding to get him out. She cursed the tiredness that seeped through her entire body. The beers she had downed carelessly had only served to send her further into exhaustion and she was certain that there was no way she would be able to stay awake long enough to go to the party. She held in a sigh and refrained from biting her lip at her predicament.

“Frank, I’m really tired” she whispered into his ear.

Gerard had watched the entire scene unfold in front of him with curious eyes. He was enjoying Frank’s company, and he couldn’t deny the guy was fascinating when he let go of his social awkwardness. He hated to admit it but, Lindsey had been right about the two of them getting on. Once they had a few drinks in them and got over their mutual awkwardness, there were common interests that made for plenty of discussion. Frank was in desperate need of a blow out, Gerard decided.  Gerard plastered a smile on his face and decided to take control of the situation for Frank’s sake.

“Come with me” he grabbed Jamia’s wrist, who seemed too tired to put up much of a fight. Frank watched the two of them closely but he had no real fear. Gerard lead her back to the bar, gaining the bar man’s attention straight away. Jamia had no clue what his plan was, and the tiredness made it hard for her to care. He shoved a glass into her hands.

“Get that into you, you’ll be perky in no time.”

Jamia obeyed instantly. Gerard’s tone left no room for argument, and she wondered if he ever heard the word no. He had the kind of presence that made you pay attention and listen to his every word. She could see how he managed to get Frank out of his shell and she was thankful for it.

“Okay, now you’re gonna sip on this water for a while until the drink kicks in. In fifteen minutes, you’re gonna be fine and ready to party again. Sound good?” he instructed, and led her over to the table Lindsey and the band had commandeered. Frank joined them, sitting next to Jamia.

“Is she okay?” he asked.

“She will be” Gerard answered with a wicked smile.

Hours later, the after party was in full swing in Jimmy’s house. Whatever it was that Gerard had given to Jamia worked, and by the time they left the club any trace of her previous tiredness had disappeared. Now, she was just as hyped up as everybody else in the building, and lost somewhere in the over packed house. Frank was in the kitchen; talking to some random guy he’d never met before, while clutching a bottle of beer in his hand. He knew it was sometime past three in the morning, and if he’d been sober he would have paid attention to the fact that the place stank from the amount of human beings and alcohol spillage in such a small space. The guy, Frank thought his name was Ray, was talking his ear off about guitar techniques which kept Frank focused on the conversation rather than on Ray’s giant afro, which was like nothing Frank had ever seen before. Frank was drunk enough to want to touch it, just to see if it was real, but he’s not stupid enough to touch some strange guy’s hair, especially one who’s so much taller than him and would have no problem taking him on in a fight. Frank didn’t hear a voice calling out to him, trying to get his attention. What he did notice was an arm suddenly wrapping itself around his neck, pulling him into a awkward hug that nearly choked the life out of him. He pulled away sharply, or as sharply as he could when he was drunk out of skull, finding the perpetrator to be none other than a drunk, and possible high, Gerard.

“Dude, come with me” Gerard demanded, like he’d been doing all night. He dragged Frank upstairs by the sleeve of his shirt, giggling non stop until they reached their destination.

Gerard locked the door behind him while Frank stumbled over to Jamia, who gazed at Frank with a lazy smile. Lindsey was sitting on the floor beside her, who was sitting next to Jimmy and some other girl Frank had talked to at some point.

“Dude, we got the fucking shit right here, man!” Jimmy announced, simultaneously throwing a bag at Frank, who miraculously caught it in his hands. It didn’t take Frank long to realise it was a bag of pills, something he hadn’t indulged in since his freshman year in college. A quick look at Jamia was all it took to see she had already had one.

“What is it?”

“Don’t ask. Just do.”

Frank didn’t need any more persuasion than that. He swallowed the pill and took a  sip of his beer to wash it down.

“Do you think there’s a day we’ll get too old for this shit?” Jamia asked aloud, biting her lip as the drug took effect.

“Nah, You’re as young as you feel, or as old as you let yourself feel.” Lindsey spoke in a distant voice.

“I feel old. I never do crazy shit anymore” Jamia whined, wrapping an arm tightly around Frank’s.

“Then start doing crazy shit!” Gerard said it as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“Like what?”

“I dunno. Get a tattoo, have a threesome, I dunno.”

“Ha, like you would do any of those things” the other girl giggled.

“Well, not the tattoos, threesomes on the other hand…”

“Gerard!” Lindsey scolded unsuccessfully when she burst into giggles and blushed.

“You’ve had a threesome?” Jamia asked Lindsey.

“It’s nice to try something…different….every once in a while.”

“You can join us anytime you want, sugar” Gerard’s tone was entirely too suggestive for Frank’s liking. Gerard realised he overstepped the mark quickly and backtracked.

“Dude, I’m joking. You should try it sometime, though. Seriously.”

“Nah, I like to keep my girl all to myself” Frank pulled Jamia tighter against him, earning a playful giggle from her and snorts of laughter from the others.

“Aw, why can’t you be more like that, Gerard?” Lindsey mocked, throwing an empty can at Gerard’s head.

“Guess I’m just more adventurous than Frankie boy here! You know I love you, babe!”

The words were said in jest, not intended to be taken seriously, but Frank was hit by the realisation that the words were true. He wasn’t adventurous. He’d had the same girlfriend since high school. He’d never been with anyone else.  Sure he dabbled in drugs, but other than that he’d never done anything crazy in his life. He kept things neat and comfortable, and he liked it that way. He’d never tried to figure out who he really was, or what the hell it was he really wanted in life. Everything had been laid out neatly in front of him, it had all come so easily. He wasn’t so sure if that was what he wanted anymore. He didn’t rest on his thoughts for too long though, they slipped away quickly leaving only a nagging feeling in his brain until he eventually passed out.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

“Frank, can you tune the guitars before the boys come in?”

Frank simply nodded at Greg, thankful for a task he could do with his eyes shut. Sunday had been spent on his couch, curled up with Jamia who was suffering just as much as he was. He didn’t remember how he got home, or half the night for that matter. Jamia was just as clueless, and quite happy to remain blissfully ignorant of the small details that could lead to potential embarrassment. They both agreed it’d been worth it, though, even if they were all but comatose on Sunday, unfit for anything but ordering pizza and watching Terminator for the short time they were awake. Frank still felt some of the side effects from Saturday night on Monday, and he suspected that was why he had been sent to deal with the equipment. He had showered and scrubbed up before he came into work, but his eyes were still bloodshot and sore, with bags and dark circles that would put an insomniac to shame. Jamia hadn’t been much better, but, lucky for her, makeup could cover some of the damage. The shakes she had would be much harder to conceal, though, and Frank could only hope that she would make it through the day. Frank noticed his own hands weren’t as steady as he would like when he tuned the guitars, making the easy task a little more difficult than normal. He remembered the days when alcohol would have no side effects the next day after a night of partying. He could drink all night, sleep for two hours, and still manage to make it into classes and take some notes with ease. He was alert enough to function well without anyone being any the wiser of his antics the night before. Now, he was still aching and irritable day two after partying, reminding him that he wasn’t the young college freshman that he'd used to be.

“When you’re finished with that, can you go check the other equipment out in the back? Just a quick inventory of what we have, and if it’s all working properly.” Greg asked, though Frank knew it was just an excuse to let him deal with his hangover in peace for a little while. Frank murmured his thanks with a sheepish smile, afraid that his boss would chew him out for coming into work in less than perfect condition. Greg’s answering smile put Frank at ease, though.

“I hope it was worth it, Iero? It’s nice to know you have a life outside of this place.”

Greg left him to work in peace after that, and Frank counted down the hours until he could finally leave to get more pizza and sleep. With only two hours to go before he could clock out, his phone vibrated in his pocket. A chuckle escaped his chapped lips when he read the text from Gerard.

‘ _Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s still hungover?_ ’

 ‘ _I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck and left to die a slow death on the side of the road. I blame you._ ’

“ _Blame your inability to say no.”_

Thus began the to and fro texting that lasted the rest of Frank’s shift. Frank couldn’t remember ever being happier to leave work like he did that day. His body just wanted to collapse on the couch, where he was at least guaranteed a few hours of laziness in front of the TV. He’d never felt so old in all his life.He wondered when exactly his body went from being able to party every night of the week, hangover free, to not being able to handle one night without suffering for days. He decided to put it down to being out of the habit, rather than old age. Jamia was already home, lying curled up on the couch, when he walked in the door. She looked up when he came in, before going back to her previous position. Frank shrugged his coat off, letting out a loud sigh before easing out of his shoes and throwing them to one side. He nudged Jamia, forcing her to move, to allow him room to lie down on the couch. She cuddled up against his side, her head resting on his chest.

“Today was the longest day ever” she groaned, her voice filled with pain.

“I know. We’re getting too old for this shit” Frank chuckled, wrapping his arm around Jamia tightly, letting her warmth relax him.

                        *****************************************

“Gerard, have you got those boards done yet?”

Owen’s voice, which was normally not unpleasant to listen to, felt like it was drilling a hole in Gerard's head. Gerard counted to ten in his head, trying not to let the headache get to him. All day, he’d been feeling like shit. His jaw still hurt from the weekend, his muscles were tender, and his head was throbbing every few seconds, without reprieve. Gerard knew it was his own fault.He didn’t have to take the drugs that Jimmy offered, and he certainly didn’t have to drink half the bar either. He could have stopped himself. Of course he could. He just hadn’t wanted to. Lindsey had spent all the previous day ignoring him, presumably pissed over his excesses on Saturday night. While Lindsey had been with them when the pills were going around, she refused to partake, and she had kept her drinking to a far more moderate level than he had. He wasn’t sure if it was the combination of the two, or just the pills, that got her so angry. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t done in the past herself, he knewfor a fact. Did she expect him to suddenly follow her lead now, because she wasn’t interested in that life anymore? That wasn’t Gerard’s style, it never had been, and she knew it. Gerard was not a pushover, and while he admired Lindsey’s assertive nature, he certainly was not going to give into her passive aggressive behaviour. He practically _invented_ the term passive aggressive, and anything she could dish out,he was certainly more than able to give it back three fold.  The atmosphere in the apartment was tense, which did nothing to help ease Gerard’s delicate state. If he’d been in a better mood, he would have tried to smooth things over already. It didn’t normally take too long to win Lindsey over on the rare occasion she was mad at him, and thankfully he never had to apologise either. A few whispered words and a bit of seduction were the weapons he used to break through her anger, without actually saying the words “I’m sorry”. 

“Dude, are you listening?” Owen hissed.

“Yeah, I’ve got them. Here” Gerard grumbled,eager to get rid of him. His supervisor was a dick, and the only thing he hated about this job. He was inept and lazy.He passed his work on to everybody else, particularly the interns. Gerard was one of the senior members of the illustration team in Dark Horse, solely because of Owen’s attitude to new recruits, meant they would leave after their six month probation. The interns would do their time and get out as soon as possible once Owen’s true nature showed through. Gerard had stuck it out, purely because he loved the work itself, and comics were what he lived and breathed, and also he was getting paid big money to stay. Gerard had thought about going to the Boss over the impossible work situation, but since Owen was firmly wedged up the Boss’s ass, it was a void idea. The boss was close to retirement, and Gerard dreaded to think what would happen to the company if Owen got the job. What pissed Gerard off the most was the fact that Owen wasn’t even good at his job. He dithered when it came to making any decisions, and if something went wrong it was _never_ his fault. He couldn’t take control or responsibility, and yet, on the other hand, he tried to be everyone’s best friend when a deadline wasn’t due. He would give people time off when it wasn’t practical, and if one more intern rang in sick, Gerard swore, he was going to crack up. Sick days were only appropriate when you were on death’s bed. He took punctuality and attendance seriously, unlike Owen, who didn’t give a shit if an intern missed a Monday morning because they were hung over from the weekend.  Gerard was nice to the interns, and did everything he could to help them, as long as they weren’t fucking around.

Owen left Gerard to his own devices, sensing his bad mood, and rightly deciding to piss off back to his desk, checking over the story board he had forced Gerard to finish for him. Gerard sighed, and decided he’d done enough work for the day.  He picked up his phone, about to text Lindsey, when he remembered how pissed she was at him. It was on a whim when he scrolled through his contact list and saw Frank’s name came up. He wondered if Frank was suffering half as much as he was.

‘‘ _Please tell me I’m not the only one who’s still hungover?_ ’

Gerard didn’t necessarily expect a response, at least not straight away. His phone vibrated way too loudly on his desk seconds later, though.

 ‘ _I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck and left to die a slow death on the side of the road. I blame you._ ’

Gerard actually chuckled. Frank was right; it was totally Gerard’s fault. Gerard wouldn’t admit that, though.

‘ _Blame your inability to say no.’_

The banter went on for the rest of his shift, and it lifted his mood a little. He had pretty much forgotten about Lindsey’s pissy mood until he walked in the door and saw her sitting on the couch, arms wrapped around her legs and eyes focused on the TV. She threw him a glare, and proceeded to ignore him when he sat down beside her. He attempted to pull her into a hug, but she shrugged him off.

“Can you at least tell me why you’re so pissed off?” Gerard asked, exasperated.

“Oh, I dunno. Maybe it has something to do with you gloating about sleeping with other woman in front of my friends.”

Gerard visibly winced, the memory coming back to him. Lindsey finally faced him, and the anger in her eyes almost made Gerard shrink away.

“I was high, Lindsey. I didn’t mean to. Shit, you know I wouldn’t do that on purpose.” He tried to calm her down, unsuccessfully.

“It doesn’t matter if it was on purpose or not. You fucking..ugh, you humiliated me in front of my friends and band mates. I had to sit there and pretend like it didn’t bother me, while you fucking bragged about how awesome it was to fuck other people.”

“So what if they know? It’s not a big deal” Gerard reasoned.

“God, why can’t you ever just say fucking sorry for once. You know what, just forget it. Enjoy sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Gerard knew better than to follow her when she jumped off the couch with alarming speed and stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her with all the strength she could muster, to emphasise her point.

“At least I get the TV to myself tonight” Gerard groaned, wondering how he was going to get out of this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> This chapter is for anyone who's ever suffered a nasty hangover. I, along with Frank and Gerard, know the pain all too well.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed,
> 
> Lyra


	11. Chapter 11

Thursday came, and Lindsey was still ignoring Gerard. Gerard knew he was firmly stuck in the dog house. He also knew it was his own fault; his intoxicated brain had thought it was a great idea to brag about his unconventional sex life in front of Lindsey’s friends, like the stupid idiot he could be at times. Now he was suffering the consequences, and he didn’t like it one bit. He didn’t take well to feeling like an asshole, even though he _knew_ he was an asshole a lot of the time. His family had accepted his domineering, slightly selfish and narcissistic ways. He took it for granted that Lindsey had accepted it too by now, and would let his little occasional run-of-his-mouth and sarcastic commentary slide, like water off a duck’s back. Normally, she would roll her eyes, but keep her mouth shut, or just make a sarcastic comment back that would put an end to Gerard’s behaviour. Gerard had used all his tricks by this stage. Which, in reality, meant he had left cute little notes for her, repeatedly told her how much he loved her, sent flowers and chocolates to her work, and ordered her favourite food every night, which were all but ignored. He wondered how long it would take before one of them broke. In all honesty, he was rather surprised that Lindsey was holding onto her anger for so long; it wasn’t like her, and he wondered if it meant that the honeymoon period was gone, after just one year of living together. Maybe she didn’t find his little quirks so amusing anymore, or maybe she was just PMS-ing. The reason didn’t really matter- he was still being ignored and glared at, and it made it uncomfortable to come home every night. Of course, maybe if he just said sorry, things would be okay, but that was a route he refused to go down. Once you've apologised for small things, it eventually loses its meaning and affect when it's used for the major things. Anyways, he just made one (although very stupid) mistake. It was something that wasn’t even worth an argument over, let alone actually apologising for it. Well, at least in his opinion. Lindsey obviously begged to differ. She was late coming home from work, probably due to end of quarter reports or some shit that had to get done. Gerard slouched on the couch, comfortably relaxing in front of the TV, and trying not to think too much about the mood Lindsey would be in when she got home. It was seven thirty before Gerard heard the front door open and slam shut, followed by a very loud sigh from Lindsey. It took all of his willpower not to groan out loud, anticipating Lindsey’s passive aggressive manner again. He watched her come into the sitting room, her expression weary and a little annoyed. She flopped down on the couch beside him, kicked her shoes off, and cuddled up against him without a word.

“Work sucked.” She groaned, snuggling her face into his collar bone and inhaling his familiar scent. She didn’t see the smug smirk that settled on his face, his eyes lit up in silent victory. He kept his voice casual when he replied, though, his ego not stupid enough to make his glee known. Lindsey had made the first move, and it wasn’t necessary for him to rub it in.

“Tough day?”

“Fucking Nancy called in sick for the next week- she has the flu or something. Anyway, now I’m stuck finishing her reports, as well as my own, ‘cause apparently I’m a fucking robot, who can magically do my work, on top of all her shit, before tomorrow’s deadline.”

Gerard tightened his arms around Lindsey, giving her much needed comfort. She half sighed, half whined, into his shoulder.

“Just do what you can, baby. Focus on your own stuff first. If it doesn’t get done, it’s their fault for putting too much on your plate. They should have spread it out amongst everybody, not just landing it on you.”

“Nobody else has a clue about the accounts, though. We both do the Asian markets, hence why I’m stuck with it. They could at least have given me someone for a couple of hours who could take a little bit of the pressure off, ya’know?”

Gerard kissed the top of her head, quickly deciding that a distraction was the best way to cheer her up.

“How about I order us some Thai food?”

“That would be amazing” Lindsey said.

“Your wish is my command,” Gerard grinned, pleased that her misery at work had successfully gotten him off the hook.

“By the way, we’re meeting Jamia and Frank in the mall tomorrow after work. If I hear one complaint out of you, your ass is back on the couch, all right?”

No wonder she had so willingly let it go. She had found a punishment fit for the crime. He didn’t bother to argue with her, though. Frank had proven himself to be of similar mind to Gerard, so more fool Lindsey if she thought Gerard saw it as a torturous exercise.

******

“Is that mushroom soup I smell?”

Frank was just in the door, home late yet again this week, when the delicious smell infiltrated his nose, and made his mouth instantly water. It was the only dish he allowed Jamia to make, and only because she followed his mother’s recipe down to a tee. He was more than making up for the easy day he had on Monday with the overtime since then. He lost count of the amount of strings the band had broke over the last few days, not to mention the drummer coming in drunk the day before, and delaying everything for two hours, while the bassist tried to sober him up. He couldn’t wait for the next day to come, where he could just relax for the weekend,and not move a muscle. Although he wasn’t entirely too sure if he was supposed to be giving Gerard another guitar lesson on Saturday or not. Even if he did, it would only be for an hour, anyway.Plus, it was done in the comfort of his own home, so at least he was able to stay indoors.

“Yup,” Jamia called out from the kitchen “it’s just about ready.”

“Did I ever tell you just how much I love you?” Frank came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her tiny waist.

“Not in the last ten hours,” Jamia giggled, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, “there’s some rolls in the oven too.Can you get them out for me?”

“Sure thing.”

Frank grabbed the pink oven mitten on the counter and opened the oven door, quickly jumping out of the way when the heat came rushing out, hitting him full blast on the face.

“Motherfucker,” he muttered, eyeing the oven with an evil, narrowed glare.

“You never learn,” Jamia giggled, grabbing two bowls and plates for their dinner. She scooped the soup out from the pot, while Frank buttered the rolls. When they finally got to sit down, they got right into their food, both too hungry and too comfortable with each other to force needless polite conversation. When they were done, Frank took the dirty cutlery back into the kitchen, getting stuck straight into cleaning. He didn’t even bother to make a comment about the mess Jamia left behind while making the soup, which was the main reason he hated other people cooking. He firmly believed in cleaning as you went along; all it took was a couple of minutes to clean a pot before you sat down to eat. Jamia was normally quite good at cleaning up after herself, though; he had distracted her, so he supposed it was his fault really. He was too absorbed in cleaning to notice Jamia coming onto the kitchen, nearly jumping out of his skin when she wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek on his back.

“So, Lindsey and I organised for the four of us to meet in the mall tomorrow.”

Frank stalled in the middle of cleaning a bowl, craning his neck to look at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Did you now? I suppose that explains the cooking.”

“Yup. I thought it’d be nice for all of us to hang out again. You like Gerard, right?”

“Would it matter if I didn’t?”

“Not really. We’re going.”

Frank sighed, knowing he would only be fighting a losing battle if he argued.

“Fine, but only because I’m too tired, and too full, to argue right now.”

“And my evil plan works. A full Frank is an agreeable Frank. Works every time.”

****************

Just like the last ‘double date’, Frank and Jamia were waiting in the food court for Lindsey and Gerard to turn up. They had milkshakes in front of them, to waste the time with something other than just conversation. Jamia was talking about a co-worker who just found out her husband was having an affair with one of the receptionists (Eva) he’d met at the Christmas party last year. Frank had to admit, the story was as hilarious as it was heartbreaking. Apparently, the husband had been stupid enough to have naked pictures of the receptionist on his phone, which the unfortunate wife was unlucky enough to find, when one of their kids had comeacross it, when playing a game on his phone. The ensuing fall out in the office was spectacular, with the betrayed wife emailing the pictures to everybody in the office.

“My brain is forever traumatised. We’re talking, like, proper xxx porn stuff here. The poor kid who saw it too. Anyway, I think Eva is going to hand in her notice any day now. I feel a bit sorry for her, actually; she made a mistake, and now everyone in the office is treating her like dirt. Management are worse, though.They won’t do anything about the harassment.”

“They probably just don’t want to get involved. If they’re seen taking sides, they’ll get more slack from all of you.”

“That’s the manager’s job, though. It’s their job to take the heat, and fix internal problems. It’s why they get paid more money.”

“Hey, guys,” Lindsey’s cheerful voice interrupted Frank’s attempt to reply. He turned around to see a beaming Lindsey and a slightly less than happy Gerard.  Frank waved, while Jamia stood up to Lindsey. Gerard took a seat opposite Frank, while Lindsey sat beside Jamia, immediately taking all of her attention.

“Hey,” Gerard smirked.

“What’s up?” Frank replied, sounding unenthused.

“Not much. We still on for the lesson tomorrow?”

“Sure. Same time?”

“Sounds good. You get the new ‘Doom’ issue yet?”

“Not yet, haven’t been to the comic book store. Is it any good?”

“I haven’t read it yet,” Gerard sighed “Wanna go down to the store? The girls were only going to drag us shopping anyway. Lindsey’s only trying to punish me for Saturday night by dragging me into every store they can think of. If we run now, we can escape before they notice.”

“Sounds better than shopping,” Frank shrugged.

They stood up in unison.

“Where are you guys going?” Lindsey questioned, eyes narrowed.

“Comic book store. I need the new Doom. We won’t be long,” Frank supplied, unfazed.

The girls just glared at the smug men as theybriskly walked away.

“I suppose we shouldn’t have expected anything else,” Jamia sighed, taking a sip of milkshake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> Are you guys still enjoying this? There hasn't been much feedback on the last couple of updates, which obviously makes me wonder if people are reading. Any feedback is helpful, and it lets me know if you guys are interested.
> 
> Lyra


	12. Chapter 12

Gerard’s head was pounding. It didn’t stem from a hangover or dehydration, or an ailment like a little cold or a full blown flu. It wasn’t too hot in the office, or stuffy, or anything like that, that was making little beads of sweat cling to his forehead. His fists were clenched tightly, resisting the urge to punch the arrogant man in front of him.

“Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me?”

The words were hissed, low and venomous, and Owen was cringing and taking a minute step backwards in fear. Everyone knew that Gerard was a nice guy, but they also knew there was a nasty temper under his normal courteous, polite and pleasant demeanour. It was one of those things that had only been glimpsed at, when an intern was calling in sick, and Gerard was stuck with extra work. It was seen when Owen was too polite to tell an intern that they couldn’t leave early, or when he was covering his own ass to the detriment of a hard working colleague. Gerard would glare, narrow his eyes, and shake his head in a way that showed his exasperation. Nobody had seen _this_ _,_ though. The office was quiet, and a pin dropping could have been heard from a mile away. The tension was heavy, and everyone in the office just wished they could disappear. It was like waiting for a bomb to go off, watching the seconds tick down to the inevitable explosion.

Gerard, for his part, had never been this angry. Not in work, at least. He couldn’t believe the words that had come out of Owen’s mouth.  His eyebrow was raised in incredulous distaste at the asshat standing beside his cubicle, whose cheerful smile was wiped off his face when faced with Gerard’s palpable anger.

.”Gerard, let’s be professional about this, don’t forget-“

“ _Professional_? You want to talk about _professionalism?_ You come to me, ask me to cover _your_ ass, because yet again your incompetency is threatening yet another project? I worked on those drawings for _days_. Now, because _you_ failed to communicate the briefing properly, when that’s the _only_ job your lazy ass is capable of, you want _me_ to take the fall for your negligence that’s leading to another delay? It’s bad enough that myself, and the rest of the team, have spent _days_ doing story boards for a comic, that are now useless, and which we now have to redo. I’m _not_ letting you drag my ass down with you. This is _your_ responsibility. I’m _sick_ of picking up after your shit, Owen. Just because you’re cosy with the boss, doesn’t mean you get to pass the buck, because you can’t do your fucking job.”

Owen stared at him blankly, completely thrown by Gerard’s sudden aggression. Gerard’s fist was curled tightly, resting on top of his desk, and shaking as though it was begging to be let loose.

“If I were you, I’d be thinking of ways to explain to the boss how you fucked up one of our biggest seller’s next issue deadline, after I explain how exactly this came about,” Gerard continued, unable to stop himself now that he was on a roll and finally letting his feelings out, “Let’s see if your job is so cushy after that.”

With that, Gerard turned his back on Owen, dismissing him. The silence in the office lingered, uncomfortably hanging in the air like a thick cloud that left everyone feeling slightly suffocated and desperate to leave. Gerard ignored it, and Owen’s occasional glance in his direction while he panicked over how to get himself out of another mess. This was the second time Owen had screwed up this particular comic's deadline. The creator was a big shot, a well known name that was selling issues faster than any of their other stuff. Owen, however, hadn’t briefed the team properly on the specifics, and Gerard could only hope it wouldn’t affect the rest of them.

Gerard was pissed, and he was really in need of some fucking alcohol to ease his desire to take the edge off his frustration. There was only one person who he wanted to drown his sorrow with, and it wasn’t Lindsey. It’s been almost a year since Gerard had met Frank, and in that time Frank had, dare Gerard say, become his best friend. They hung out on Saturdays, under the pretence of guitar lessons, which was really an excuse to watch movies and drink beers without Jamia hanging around. They had built quite a friendship, and it was one Gerard appreciated, especially in recent months. Between work driving him insane, and Lindsey’s desire for more commitment, it was one of the few things he could look forward to these days. It was why he was picking up his phone, with his breathing still a little heavier than normal, and creating a new message.

‘ _McGills at 6_ ’ was all he wrote.

Frank was slouching in his chair, watching the levels, while some wanna be punk kids were thrashing around, recording their first album. Frank got along with most of the bands that came in, and in the eighteen months he’d been working in the studio, he had met a few well known bands. He had moved up the ladder a little bit, going from a poorly paid intern, to a better paid ‘jack of all trades’ guy. He did a little bit of everything, but now he spent most of his time in the recording station, mixing the levels. He was still amazed that he was able to live his dream somewhat. Sure, he wasn’t running his own label as of yet, or producing, but it was still more than what most people who worked behind the scenes in a studio achieved.  Life was good at the moment, and he really didn’t have much to complain about. Him and Jamia were still good, and now they had more money he was beginning to think about marriage. They were together long enough for him to envision it happening.

His phone was in his pocket, as always, when it buzzed. Frank kept his eyes on the levels in front of him, though, he knew the text would either be from Jamia or Gerard, and both could wait for a reply. He’d forgotten all about the text message by the time the track was laid down, and it was a matter of chance that he looked at his phone at five forty five.

 _Gerard :_ ‘ _McGills at 6’_

Frank sighed, not particularly in the mood to go boozing, not when he was back in the studio at eight the next morning. He couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong, though, and normally his instincts were quite good. He typed a quick message, informing Gerard he’d meet him there, but he’d be late. He then texted Jamia, letting her know he’d be home late. By the time he made it to the bar, it was twenty five past six. He spotted Gerard easily, sitting at the bar with the moodiest expression Frank had ever seen. He pondered whether it was safe to even approach Gerard, considering the murderous look on his face. Frank just prayed he would never be on the receiving end of such a look. Gerard must have felt Frank’s gaze, and he waved the smaller man over when he saw him. Frank took the seat beside him, and was pleased to see a beer was already waiting for him. Gerard’s bottle was nearly empty, and Frank wondered just what the hell had gotten Gerard into such a foul mood.

“Fucking Owen, man. I swear to God, one day I’m gonna punch that son of a bitch,” Gerard informed Frank before he asked, he promptly swallowed the last of his beer. He waved to the barman, ordering another beer.

“What did he do now?” Frank asked, unsure if he really wanted to know, but he knew Gerard needed to vent.

“Oh, the fucking usual.His incompetency shows no bounds. Fucker gave us the wrong briefing for the next edition of one of our biggest sellers. Which means we now have to redraw the whole edition, and he wanted me to take the fall. Fucking douche.” Gerard spat, making Frank recoil slightly.

“Dude, why haven’t you said anything to the boss?” Frank asked.

“I did. After I chewed Owen out in front of the entire office. The boss is gonna retire in the next year or so, and there’s no way Owen is capable of taking over, like he wants. Fuck him. I could do the job better than him.”

“What did the boss say?”

“Just that there’d be a meeting. I’ve no idea what that entails, but I’m beyond caring. I’m so close to handing in my notice. The place is going to go under soon, if things don’t change. The boss doesn’t give a shit anymore. The place needs new blood.”

“Maybe you should run the place,” Frank joked, taking a sip a beer.

“Damn right I should. Fucking interns calling in sick all the time, and supervisors who can’t even get their shit right.  I swear, if I ever ran the place, I’d fucking ban sick days.”

“Thank fuck you’ll never be my boss.”

Gerard was about to snap, but once he saw the playful smirk on Frank’s face, he couldn’t help but giggle. Frank found the laughter infectious, and soon he was joining in too. Their eyes met, and Frank felt his stomach flip. He almost choked on his beer from the suddenness of the feeling. He shrugged it off, putting it down to gas or something, like he did every time it happened, which just happened to be when he was around Gerard.

“Whatever. I’d be a fucking awesome boss. I just won’t take any shit.”

The murderous scowl was gone from Gerard’s face, and Frank was strangely proud that it was him that had cheered Gerard up. So what if he was the one that had made Gerard smile? It wasn’t a big deal, it was what friends did. So why did he suddenly have a desire to blush under Gerard’s eyes, which were still gazing at Frank, while he took another long gulp of his beer. Frank felt the sudden need to break the eye contact, which he did smoothly by taking another drink of beer.

“You know, I think you’re the only person who could have made me fucking laugh right now.” Gerard spoke with a causal indifference he didn’t feel. Part of him knew it should be Lindsey he went to when he needed comfort, but lately it had been Frank who was doing that job, unknowingly. Gerard assumed it was to do with familiarity, similarity and a need for male company. He wasn’t going to question it, or over-think it.

Frank didn’t know what to say to Gerard’s statement. He felt that strange pull in his stomach again, which got stronger every time it happened. He was thankful when Gerard started talking again, disguising the underlying awkward tension that was beginning to seep in between them. By the time they left, Frank had pushed it to the back of mind, and when he entered his apartment, he wasted no time in pinning Jamia to the couch, losing himself in her body and letting the tension seep away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I hope this makes up for it. Things are gonna start heating up soon, I promise!
> 
> Thanks to all the amazing readers/subscribers/commenters. You guys are awesome.
> 
> Lyra


	13. Chapter 13

“Frank, where are you going?”

Jamia’s voice automatically caused Frank’s ‘tread lightly’ sensors to go off in his mind. His body went a little more rigid than normal while he fixed his hair. He didn’t stop to ponder why he was doing his hair. He just was. There wasn’t anything to it.

“Did I not tell you? Gerard and I are going to a gig tonight. Some punk band are playing, the guitarist is an old college friend of Gerard’s or something.”

Frank didn’t have to look at Jamia to know the current expression on her face. It was a mix of anger, hurt and concern. It killed him that he was making her feel that way as much as it annoyed the hell out of him that she was making an issue out of something that was clearly not an issue. So what if he was spending time with someone else? It wasn’t as though he was seeking company with another woman. She had pushed for him to get out more, to get back to the easy going, social guy he had been when they first met. Now that he was doing that, she seemed somewhat put out by the fact that he wasn’t around for her whenever she wanted. Now that he had Gerard to go to the bar with, or to go record shopping with, he was no longer sitting at home moping. She should have been happy, but lately he could sense that she was becoming more and more agitated whenever Gerard’s name was brought up. He dared say she was beginning to regret introducing the two men.

“Oh,” she said, without elaborating on what she was feeling. Frank knew it would only be a matter of seconds before she would let it out.

“You’re spending a lot of time with Gerard recently,” she ventured, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

Frank held in the sigh. He knew she was right. They were spending a lot of time together, something that Frank would never have imagined when he first met the guy. They spent most Saturdays together, and during the week they met up at least once, if not more. Frank was still spending a lot of time in the studio, trying to make some contacts in the hopes that he would eventually get an opportunity to break into production, or even running his own label one day, which was the dream. He couldn’t blame Jamia for her concern; from a certain point of view, maybe it did look like Frank was just avoiding her, which was far from the truth. He loved Jamia; she was the perfect woman in his eyes. She loved him, and they both wanted to go the whole hog, with marriage and kids. It was a question of when, not if. He just wished she was more understanding of the fact that he needed to have more of a life outside of the two of them, and that doing so was not a bad thing. It should have been a good thing for them, it gave them the necessary space they needed so that they didn’t suffocate each other.

“Jamia, you wanted me to get out more. You were worried that I was sitting in too much, and you were right. I wasn’t adjusted to post-college life properly, and I had a hard time finding a balance. Now I have. Isn’t that a good thing?”

She nodded her head, but he knew there was no real feeling behind it. She just wanted to avoid the resulting argument if she pressed any further. Frank didn’t like being told what to do, and Jamia respected that, most of the time, anyway. Frank walked over to her and pulled her into his embrace, locking eyes with her and smiling.

“I love you.”

“Love you too,” she finally smiled.

He closed the gap between their lips, and licked her bottom lip. She gladly deepened the kiss, which turned heated.

“You think we got time for a quickie before you go?” she whispered hotly with a wicked grin.

“I think I can manage,” Frank smirked, before stripping Jamia of her top.

 

***

“Hey, baby, I was thinking maybe we could go to the movies tonight.What do you think?”

Lindsey’s voice infiltrated the bathroom, where Gerard was currently showering. Work had been a bitch, as it had been for the last couple of weeks since Owen had been called in for a disciplinary hearing. Gerard’s rant had only encouraged other people to come forward and make complaints about Owen, and his general mismanagement. The Boss was taking it seriously, something Gerard had hoped for, but not necessarily anticipated. Owen was now on a war path, and Gerard was in the firing line. He could handle it, though; he wasn’t going to let Owen intimidate him, or get under his skin. He was well able to deal with his childishness. That didn’t mean it wasn’t aggravating, and a night out with Frank was exactly what he needed. Lindsey must have forgotten that he had already made plans, and he braced himself for a less than happy reaction.

“I’m going out with Frank, remember? Shaun’s band is playing tonight.”

Gerard was met with silence, making him peak around the shower curtain to see if Lindsey was still there. He was met with a stony glare, one that would have made him quiver if he was anybody else.

“You’re going out with Frank again?”

“Is that a problem?”

Lindsey let out a sigh.

“Not at all. I’m just your girlfriend, after all,” she muttered, before storming out of the bathroom with a slam of the door.

Gerard finished his shower and dressed before he found Lindsey in the living room.

“Linds, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine,” she spoke, starting at the TV and refusing to meet Gerard’s gaze.

“Lindsey, I can’t fix it if you won’t tell me what’s bothering you. I’m not a mind reader.”

She muted the television and finally looked at him, a pained look on her face.

“Do you still love me?”

Gerard’s eyebrows furrowed, flabbergasted by the question, and more importantly, why she was asking it. He sat down beside her, taking one of her delicate hands in his.

“Of course I do, Linds. You know I do. Why are you asking?”

“It just feels like you’re pulling away from me. I don’t know what it is. I can’t explain it, but something feels different. I used to be so confident in your love for me, but now…”

“I’ve just been stressed with work, sugar.You know that. I’m sorry if you feel like I’ve been neglecting you. C'mere!” he pulled her into a bruising hug, kissing her hair and squeezing her tightly.

“I know.It’s why I didn’t say anything. I know you need to spend time with other people for a distraction, but …don’t forget I’m here too.”

“How could I ever forget?” he smirked.

“Tell you what,” Gerard proposed, “tomorrow I’ll cancel my lesson with Frank. Me and you will go out and do something special, okay? Just me and you.”

Lindsey smiled, her eyes lighting up with pure happiness and Gerard knew he’d successfully avoided a catastrophe.

“That sounds great.”

“Then it’s a date,” Gerard promised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I know it's short, but things are gonna start picking up in the next couple of chapters. Thanks to all the readers/commentors/subscribers. You guys are awesome.
> 
> Lyra


	14. Chapter 14

“Gerard, can I see you in my office?”

The boss, otherwise known as Mr Anderson, was at Gerard’s cubicle, a grim look on his face. The office was silent, everyone petrified of what was about to happen. Owen had been called in half an hour previously, and hadn’t been seen since. Gerard had been nervously waiting for Owen to march back into the office, gloating how he had gotten off with a slap on the wrist. Gerard anticipated his work life was about to get more difficult, and had begrudgingly looked up other jobs in case nothing good came out of this. He questioned whether it was smart to bring Owen’s behaviour to the attention of the boss, if the possible negative consequences were worth the probable hassle he would receive from Owen. He had low expectations that the situation with Owen would be resolved successfully. Owen was close to the boss, and he was also a smarmy, slimy git when he needed to be. Gerard realised that it was a big possibility that his days at Dark Horse would be numbered. It pained him to think that way. When Owen was taken out of the equation, working with the company was really his dream job. He enjoyed what he did, and the fact that he was able to do what he loved the most. The thought of that being in jeopardy was panic inducing at best. He hid it from his colleagues as he stood up, throwing on his game face and deciding he would meet whatever was coming.

He shut the door of the office behind him, strolling over to the chair with deceptive ease he didn’t feel.

“So, Gerard, I assume you know why you’re here?”

Gerard cleared his throat, getting rid of some non-existent phlegm.

“I think so.”

“Well, I thought I’d call you in to let you know Owen has been dismissed.”

Gerard hadn’t been expecting that outcome, and his face betrayed his shock.

“There were other…allegations made toward Owen of a rather more serious nature by one of the girls in the finance department. I’m sure you understand that this is confidential as it’s an ongoing matter, so you’re discretion is of upmost importance.”

“I understand.”

“Good. I want to thank you for speaking up, if it wasn’t for your formal complaint, the other employee wouldn’t have come forward. I aim to operate an environment where people like coming in every day, not fearing walking through the doors.”

Gerard nodded, wondering what direction the conversation was heading in.

“You showed courage and backbone, qualities needed in our team. You get on well with everybody, and I can see you’ve got the leadership skills needed to run a team. You’ve been here for a few years at this stage, and I feel it’s only appropriate that the job goes to you. It’s a big responsibility, and unfortunately Owen has left the illustration department in a less than desirable state, but I believe you’re up to the task. You’ll be running the illustration department, not just coordinating your team, but overlooking all the other projects that we’re working on. It’ll require more hours, there will be regular interdepartmental meetings with the financial and publishing department, as well as myself, but the raise should more than make up for it. This is a big opportunity, Gerard, and not one someone of your age is normally handed, but I feel you’re more than capable of taking on the job. Are you up to it?”

Gerard was speechless, something that never happened to him. This was a big opportunity- he would be running the entire illustration department, and the job would be no easy task. The money wasn’t a factor in Gerard’s decision-he earned enough as he did already, enough to keep him more than happy. He knew that he was capable enough to do the job, but did he want the pressure, responsibility and dedication that would go hand and hand with it? He would be giving up his primary love-drawing. He would be administrating and project managing, not creating. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew this could lead down to a far different path, away from mindless illustration. He could get into the publishing side of things eventually, perhaps even commission new comics…was that what he wanted?

“I think I am.”

“Great!” Anderson clapped his hands together.

“Thank you, sir,” Gerard held his hand out for the older man to shake.

“You’ve got a lot of potential, Way. I’m merely giving you the opportunity to use it.”

Back at his desk, Gerard’s head was swimming. As of Monday, he would be officially running the department. His colleagues would no longer be his equals- he would be in charge, a thought that filled him with a little trepidation. He had no idea how they would take it, as it could easily go one of two ways. He hoped they would be happy to see Gerard moving up, or at least a little pleased that they would no longer have Owen over them. There was the other possibility that they wouldn’t take Gerard’s newfound authority with good grace, or that they wouldn’t take his position seriously, and as such, give him a hard time whenever things needed to get down. He was determined to do a better job than Owen, but he wouldn’t let anyone walk over him either. He was going to tell everybody in the office the news later, but for the time being he wanted to keep it to himself. He picked up his phone, automatically finding Frank’s name in his messages and typing out the good news. It wasn’t until the text had been sent, that he felt an uncomfortable realisation dawn on him.

His first instinct was to text Frank, not Lindsey. Lindsey was the woman he loved, the person that was the most important part of his life, and yet somehow, Frank was the first person he thought of when something good came his way. There was an unpleasant weight settling in his stomach, something that felt all too close to guilt. He didn’t understand why he felt guilty. Was it that he had forgotten about Lindsey for a few seconds and let her fall down his priority list? It didn’t seem like the right explanation. There was a deeper issue at hand. Something that lingered in the back of his mind, that he wasn’t allowing himself to see. Something that told him the feeling was more to do with thinking about Frank, than forgetting about Lindsey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is short, but I promise the next chapter is going to make up for it...big things are about to start happening!
> 
> Lyra


	15. Chapter 15

“You know what you need? A girly weekend away.Just me, you and some overpriced spa, where you can vent and sort your head out.”

Jamia planted a smile on her face, hoping that it would cheer Lindsey up and erase the frown that was etched on her beautiful face. It killed Jamia to see her friend so cut up and down over her relationship, and it was tough for Jamia not to scream at Gerard every time he came by their apartment for another ‘lesson’, which she now knew was an excuse for drinking and chilling out with Frank.  Gerard had been slowly drifting away from Lindsey, using work as an excuse for his distant behaviour. Jamia had tried to bring it up with Frank, hoping that he would have some insight,but instead all she got was him telling her to stop meddling in other people’s relationships. Lindsey was one of her best friends, though, and it hurt to see her in pain and confused over her boyfriendacting so strangely.

“Maybe you’re right,” Lindsey agreed, fiddling with the sleeve of her jumper.

“Great! I’ll book it for Saturday. We can go chill out, and work out a plan while sipping cocktails and getting pampered. Maybe the space will make Gerard realise he’s been a dick.”

“This is Gerard we’re talking about – he never admits when he’s in the wrong,” Lindsey muttered resentfully, secretly fearing her relationship was slowly coming to its end.

**

“There’s a gig on in Marco’s bar in an hour.Do you wanna go?” Gerard asked, his guitar left abandoned by the side of the couch while he took a sip of the cold beer in his hands. He was on Frank’s couch, like he was every Saturday, only now his level of comfortableness had decreased in the weeks following his promotion. He was certain Frank could see the difference in his behaviour; he couldn’t help but notice that something had changed. Gerard wasn’t as talkative, and he certainly wasn’t as affectionate as he had been. Frank remained the same old Frank, though, ignoring the change, and it didn’t make the situation any easier.

Gerard was attracted to him. It was a hard truth to accept, one that rattled him to the very depth of his soul. He had never necessarily put a label on his sexuality, and yes, he had kissed a guy or two in college, while drunk, or high for a laugh, but this…this was different, and it frightened him to think that his sexuality wasn’t as fixed as he'd previously believed. This wasn’t something to get attention, or a sudden whim to be outrageous and the talk of the party. Frank had captivated him somehow. Gerard didn’t know when it had happened, or why it had to happen, but it didn’t matter. It was the reality of his situation, and he didn’t know how to handle it. Once he had admitted it to himself, it made things so much clearer to him. It explained why he was slowly pulling away from Lindsey. It explained why he enjoyed being around Frank so much, and why Frank was in his mind more than was appropriate. The acknowledgment that he had feelings for Frank set off a series of emotions that Gerard found hard to keep control of, and impossible to understand. He couldn’t figure out when his feelings went beyond friendship, and stepped into the realm of attraction and affection. He had thought about it a lot over the last few weeks, going over every little detail over and over again, desperate to know what it was that had made these emotions come alive. If he found out where they stemmed from, he could find out how to stop them, and his life could go back to the way it was before. His relationship with Lindsey could go back to the way it was before. He hated how it was now tainted by his confusion, his disarray of emotions creating pain and misery for not just him, but also the woman who had spent the last three years of her life by his side. He tried to keep it from Lindsey, but it was hard to hide his constant distraction and lack of physical affection while he grappled with who he was, and what these new feelings meant for his identity. It was the last thing he needed while he adjusted to his new position in work, and the extra responsibility that fell on his shoulders as a result. He had been relieved when Lindsey had told him about her weekend spa trip, giving him some breathing space from the heavy weight of the guilt that had fallen on his shoulders as a result of the million and one sorrowful, pleading looks she had given him in recent weeks. He hoped that maybe her absence would remind him of all the things he loved about her, and make the silly crush he had go away.

“Sure.Why not?” Frank shrugged his shoulders, finishing his beer with a satisfied sigh.

“I’ll finish this, then we can head.”

Ten minutes later, they were on their way to the bar, keeping a light conversation going while avoiding the obvious issue of Gerard’s troubles. Frank didn’t press it, and Gerard appreciated it. All he wanted was to get drunk and drown this…crush, or whatever the hell is was, with it. Maybe it would get flushed out of his system, along with the alcohol.

Frank bought the first round in the bar, wondering if a few drinks would be enough to get Gerard’s spirit’s back up. Gerard’s sudden quietness was unnerving, and it didn’t suit the older man one bit. It changed the dynamic between them, giving Frank room to start conversations, and even have the chance to talk for more than two minutes straight without interruption. Gerard was such a dominant personality, a man that liked to have attention focused on him, rather than have his attention focused on something else, when in company. Every week he got more detached, more withdrawn, and Frank wondered if he should bring it up. He gathered from Jamia that things weren’t going well between him and Lindsey, though he refused to indulge Jamia’s insistence on finding out more from Gerard. Frank wasn’t going to get involved in someone else’s relationship, especially not Gerard’s, who wouldn’t appreciate the interference at any rate.   He could imagine Gerard’s glare, which would no doubt be followed by some snappy or witty sarcastic remark, then an insult to put an end to the topic. So, he decided to do the next best thing. Get Gerard drunk, and hope he’d forget about his problems for a little while. Before the band started, they had already gone through two beers and three shots, and Frank was pleased that his tolerance for drinking heavy liquor had gone up since he met Gerard. He no longer needed to throw up after a little too much, though he would suffer from stomach cramps the next day occasionally.

They had managed to elbow their way to the front of the crowd when they headed to the stage area, in front of the small metal barrier that put some space between them and the stage. The crowd was bigger than they had anticipated, and Frank found himself pressed up right against the barrier. The cold metal was digging into his stomach painfully with every surge of the crowd, and he regretting going up to the front. His short stature made it difficult for him to see when in the middle of a large crowd, but he found himself wishing he was in less pain. The set was only five songs in, and Frank was already planning an escape route to get out from the claustrophobic mosh pit that had formed.  Out of nowhere, a pair of arms encased themselves around him, and the pressure against his back was relieved. He looked behind him, not sure who was responsible, and if he needed to freak out. He grinned when he saw that it was Gerard, who had obviously seen his distress. He was thankful that Gerard had a good four inches on him, and was more able to bear the brunt of the crowd going wild behind him. Frank knew he should feel emasculated, or embarrassed, that he had a man’s arms protecting him, like he would do for Jamia, but he was just too thankful that his ribs weren’t being crushed anymore. A sudden surge forced the two of them forward, pressing Gerard flush against Frank, his crotch rubbing up against Frank’s ass.

“You know, most guys take me for dinner before they get to second base,” Frank joked, giggling as the alcohol took effect and made him giddy.

Gerard grinned, but Frank could see it was forced, covering up his obvious awkwardness, and he kicked himself for making Gerard uncomfortable with what he thought was a harmless joke. They were friends, and Frank assumed they were comfortable enough to make those kinds of jokes by now. Hell, Gerard had made plenty of them himself.  He didn’t say another word after that, and lost himself in the music, ignoring the tension radiating off Gerard, who still kept his arms around Frank almost protectively.  The band was good, really good, in fact, and Frank wouldn’t be surprised if he saw their album for sale in some record store in the future. He almost wished that he was a talent scout, so he could give bands like the one in front of him a chance at success. He had no idea how long they had been on the scene for.He hadn’t heard of them before that night, which suggested that they were new enough, but with a bit of work, and more experience, they would truly have something special. When they finished their set, Frank found himself wishing they would play a few more songs, but they had had played an amazing gig. He made a note to look up if they were playing any more gigs in the near future. He followed Gerard back to the bar area almost reluctantly, though the beer Gerard handed him made up for it.

“Dude, are you alright?” Frank eventually decided to ask when his beer was half empty, and Gerard was still barely saying a word.

“I’m fine,” Gerard shrugged, but there was no conviction behind his words.

“No, you’re not. If you don’t wanna talk about it, that’s fine.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Frank took in Gerard’s stony face, and the tense, rigid way he held his shoulders, and decided that Gerard needed something more than alcohol to take the edge off whatever it was that was on his mind.

“I say we get some pills.”

Gerard raised his eyebrows, a slow smirk tugging at his lips. Frank’s suggestion sounded like it was exactly what he needed to bring his mood back up and erase his problems for a few hours.

“I think you’re right,” Gerard agreed, pulling out his phone, scrolling through his list. He knew Jimmy was always good for it, and he had never yet disappointed Gerard when he was in need. He sent Jimmy a quick text, praying he was out and carrying something on him, other than weed. The reply was instantaneous, and the Cheshire cat smile that split his face was all Frank needed to see to know that Gerard had just scored them something.

“He’s got some E’s. He’s in Franco’s, just a few blocks from here.”

Frank didn’t need to be told twice. He downed his beer in one go, coughing a little, while Gerard followed suit with a more graceful gulp. It took them fifteen minutes to find the nightclub, and another ten to find Jimmy in the sea of people bumping and grinding against each other with abandon on the dance floor.

“Jimmy, my man!” Gerard greeted the blond,spiky haired man with a handshake and an easy smile.

“Gee, good to see you! Nice to meet you again, Frank,” Jimmy offered his hand to Frank, who took it with a genuine smile.

“Just the two you need?” Jimmy asked, though he didn’t wait for an answer before he waved for the two men to follow him into the bathrooms. It was empty, but they still lock themselves in a stall to keep away from preying eyes.

“How much do we owe you?” Gerard asked while Jimmy pulled a small, clear plastic bag out of his back pocket. There weren’t many pills left; six or seven, Frank guessed.

“For you, man, it’s free. You can owe me one another time.” He handed them each a blue pill, each with an apple stamped on one of its smooth surfaces.

“Thanks, man.”

The three men each popped their pill simultaneously, swallowing it whole.

“Here’s to a good night, dudes. Let’s get the party started!”

**

“I don’t remember how we got here.”

“Neither do I,” Frank giggled, slouching on his couch with an empty pizza box on his lap and a beer in his hand. The clock that staked a place on the wall in his living room was set on four forty five a.m.

“Shit! I don’t know where Jimmy got the pills from, but...fuck!They’re good,” Gerard groaned, running a hands over his face. His bottom lip was chapped from the constant chewing it had been subjected to for the last few hours. Frank’s jaw would have ached, if the drugs hadn’t messed up his sense of feeling, though no doubt he would feel it in the morning, along with the hangover that was going to hit hard.

“At least you cheered up!”

“Fuck you! I’m the most cheerful motherfucker you know!”

“Dude, you have met Jimmy, right?”

“Fuck Jimmy!” Gerard burst into giggles once again.

“I always knew you were gay for him,” Frank giggled.

“Not for Jimmy,” he muttered, his tone way too serious. Frank picked up on it, even in his blissful high.

“You’re right. How can you be hot for Jimmy, when you’ve got me, huh?” Frank tried to lighten the mood and distract Gerard from whatever it was that was going on in his mind.

Gerard didn’t laugh this time. He sat next to Frank, a troubled expression marring his face. His hazel orbs weren’t shining with happiness anymore. He was biting his lip once again, his eyes glazed over. Frank felt genuine concern for Gerard. He took in Gerard’s raven hair, and how it was freshly washed hours ago, and now had a healthy shine that most women would be envious of. His pale skin was clear, and Frank could smell the mix of sweat and cologne off him. Frank swallowed, hating that the scent was making his skin tingle, and how it was all so familiar to him now. In that moment, his eyes raking over Gerard’s forlorn figure, he realised just how much he enjoyed the older man’s company. He enjoyed it too much, perhaps. They got along so well, complimented each other in almost every way. There was a feminine quality to Gerard’s features, and Frank noticed for the first time just how attractive he was. He didn’t know if it was the drugs making him think this way, but he knew he had to put a stop to it right then.

Gerard finally looked at him, shooting him a quizzical look when he realised Frank had been staring at him. Frank met his gaze, unable to look away from the lost look that haunted the hazel orbs. There was a sudden tension that filled the air, one that had been hidden under the surface for so long but, never acknowledged. Frank was hyperaware of everything right then, like how close Gerard’s warm body was, the heat that radiated off his skin, how wide his pupils were from the ecstasy, and how there was a little bit of red sauce from the pizza clinging to the side of his mouth.  Gerard’s face was inching closer to him, his eyes flickering from Frank’s eyes to his lips, a nervous look clouding his features. He didn’t fully comprehend what Gerard was doing, or why his face was closing the small bit of space between them. Then he felt a pair of lips press softly against his own, and his mind went blissfully blank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened!
> 
> Ha, too bad I know what happened in the next chapter, and you don't. :p
> 
> Feedback and thought would be awesome.
> 
> Lyra


	16. Chapter 16

Frank wasn’t entirely conscious of what he was doing. His brain was on some kind of freeze, where there was no thought process going on in his brain. Everything was feeling, and instinct, and sensation, and just some kind of need to not stop what was happening. He could smell the alcohol, and the unique scent that was Gerard. He could taste the remnants of beer and a hint of tomato from the pizza they had devoured not so long ago. He didn’t register that he was being pushed onto his back by a body that was a few inches longer than his. The weight of the broader, slim body didn’t set off any alarms that it wasn’t right. He didn’t think about the fact that it wasn’t Jamia on top of him, that he didn’t feel a familiar press of a pert set of breasts against his chest. The chest that was pressed against him was smooth, flat and somehow it felt complementary. Slim hips were grinding against his crotch, pulling a moan from his throat from the delicious friction alone. Everything blended together, and Frank couldn’t discern one sense from the other. The only thing he was aware of was that it felt good. More than that, it felt perfect.

Frank didn’t remember eventually falling asleep. When he came to, his head was throbbing and he was still on his couch. He was extremely warm, and the heavy weight of a male body crushing him, trapping him on the couch with no wiggle room to move. It was claustrophobic, and yet strangely comfortable in a strange juxtaposition. It wasn’t until he realised he was inhaling cologne, _Gerard’s_ cologne (he didn’t even want to think about how he knew it was Gerard’s scent by smell alone), and felt himself begin to harden, that the memories from the night before came flooding back. The gig, where Gerard had put his arms around him to give him respite from the overzealous crowd, the drinks, the pills, the dancing, stopping by a grubby looking pizzeria and buying the biggest size pizza they made. Falling through the door of his apartment, giggling like a couple of schoolgirls on their first drinking binge.

Gerard kissing him, Gerard on top of him, grinding into him so that their hard-ons created a friction that only made him desperate to cum…fuck, did he…his boxers felt a little sticky, and the memory of the moment his orgasm hit him came back.

Panic smacked him with a full body whack, and he promptly threw the sleeping man on top of him off without warning. Gerard went clattering to the ground, a little yelp that sounded way too feminine escaping from him. There was a smacking sound, probably of Gerard’s head meeting the coffee table, which almost made Frank cringe in sympathy.

“What the fuck,” Gerard groaned, his voice still sleepy and adorable.

No, not adorable. Fuck, Frank wasn’t gay. He wasn’t even curious, he never had been. He had Jamia. He liked girls. He enjoyed sex with girls. He liked breasts, and curves, and the smell of sweet, feminine perfume.

“Get out!” Frank was off the couch by then, standing as far away from Gerard as possible. He couldn’t believe he had kissed another guy, let alone Gerard. He couldn’t believe he had done that to Jamia. Fuck, was Gerard going to tell Lindsey? Was he going to brag about it, just like he had told them all about his love of threesomes? Frank’s fists were clenching painfully, and the desire to punch Gerard in the face was overwhelming.

“Frank, I know-“

“No, you don’t know! What the fuck is your problem? You fucking kissed me!”

“I think 'kiss' is an understatement-“

Frank couldn’t hold it back then. The anger, the confusion, the fear that Gerard was going to talk about what had happened, it all combined in a force that drove Frank to close the distance between them and swing a closed fist directly at Gerard’s cheek. Knuckles met soft skin, bone meeting bone with a flash of pain of both sides as they connected for the fleeting few seconds. Gerard stumbled back, his pain levels doubled when the sting of his cheek coupled with his sore head.

“Fuck. You,” Frank hissed, shaking his fist in an instinctive reaction to ease the pain from his burst of violence. 

Gerard rubbed his cheek, where a blue bruise was already forming and deepening to a purple shade that looked angry and downright sore. It contrasted brilliantly against his pale skin, making it stand out even more for the world to see. Frank felt a thrill of satisfaction at the sight, bathing in the knowledge that he had hurt Gerard as much as he was hurting right then. Gerard’s eyes flashed in anger, and a little fear.

“Get out.” Frank repeated, his entire body shaking so badly that it was nothing short of a miracle that he was standing on his two feet.

“Frank, I think we should talk-“

“Talk about what? I have a girlfriend, and so do you. You crossed a fucking line last night, and I’m not o-fucking-kay with it!”

“Oh, go fuck yourself, Frank! You weren’t exactly complaining when you had your tongue in my mouth. I’ve…I’ve been confused…recently. I…I think there’s something here, Frank. You…you kissed me back, Frank. You were right there with me.”

“I’m not a fucking queer, Gerard. Maybe you are, but I’m not. So get the fuck out of here and stay the fuck away from me!”

“Frank,” Gerard’s voice was actually wavering, pleading with Frank to calm down and hear him, but Frank wasn’t having it.

“Get out, before I fucking throw you out!”

Gerard’s face grew even paler, except for the purple mark that stood out gloriously on his high cheekbone. He opened his mouth to say something, say anything that might salvage the situation. He had fucked up royally. He gave in to the desire he’d been hiding, and now he'd lost the closest thing he'd had to a best friend. The one person he had felt like he could be himself with, the one person other than Lindsey who seemed to get him and the weird way his mind worked, was now looking at him with a hatred he had never been on the receiving end of before.  He knew that there was nothing he could do, though; not right then when Frank was looking at him as though he wanted to deck him again. Frank was a stubborn asshole, and right then he was a pissed off, stubborn asshole. Gerard swallowed, running a nervous hand through his hair. He remained silent and walked past Frank, feeling as though his world was now completely and utterly fucked.

“Oh, Gerard?”

Gerard turned away, hoping Frank would say something that could make things better. Something that would give him hope that things could go back to how they were, that he hadn’t lost his friendship forever.

“If you breathe a word of this to anybody, I’ll make sure you regret it.”

Frank meant every word. His hazel eyes were earnest, and burning with a righteous anger that cut Gerard to the core and dashed any hope he had that things would be okay. Gerard didn’t respond.There was nothing he could say that would make things better. He nodded his heads numbly, and with a slam of Frank’s front door, he walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morning afters are a bitch, huh? Anyone else feel bad for Gerard?
> 
> Feedback and thoughts are encouraged my dears, please leave some!
> 
> Lyra


	17. Chapter 17

Gerard stumbled home, his brain reeling from what had just happened. His jaw hurt like a motherfucker, the pain throbbing with a stinging pulse every few beats. He was in a trance, halfway between still drunk and high, and stone cold sober. His head was fuzzy, like cotton wool, just like his mouth. His lips were dry and cracked, and the inside of his cheek was cut and bloodied from the chewing, a common side effect of ecstasy. He was also suffering from a bad case of the fear, and this case was by far the worst he had ever suffered. It wasn’t just a mild sense of paranoia; no, he could _feel_  everybody walking past staring at him: man, woman, and child. Not just staring, either – they could see through him, see what was going through his mind.They knew he had kissed someone behind Lindsey’s back.They knew he’d kissed another man, no less. The same man who had been his best friend up until half an hour ago, when they had woken up, and Gerard was forced to confront the consequences of his actions when he was high and free from his inhibitions. A man who had been at the forefront of his mind for so long that Gerard couldn’t even remember when he had infected his mind, a man who had wormed his way inside Gerard’s affections and settled there, unwanted, but oh-so-wanted at the same time. He wondered if the people walking past him could sense what he did, if they could sense that he was… Well, he didn’t know what he was. He wished he knew.He truly did. He had never put a label on his sexuality before. He had always been attracted to women, and could admire a handsome man, but he never sat down to consider what box he ticked. Heterosexuality would have been too constricting, and yet bisexuality would be too broad. Before Frank, he had never truly found a man sexually appealing. He had thought some were good looking, with attractive features, but as far as the idea of wanting more from a man, had never crossed his mind. Not until Frank. And for all his internal monologues, debating and soul searching, he had yet to find an answer to the question of what his feelings for Frank meant.

He wasn’t going to think about it right then, though. Gerard was going to go home, crash in his bed, get his head together when he was more sober, and then...go from there, he supposed. Well, was there anywhere to go? What he did with Frank had been a mistake. A mistake that couldn’t go anywhere and would now be sealed in secrecy - for his sake, for Frank’s sake, for Lindsey’s sake. Fuck!What would Lindsey think if she found out? He couldn’t let her know!She could never find out!Their indulging in threesomes as a couple aside, his actions the previous night would not be forgiven - at least not without a lot of grovelling on his part. No, he decided, as he stepped over the threshold of his apartment, he would have to carry his guilt with him, and bear it alone. It was his punishment for wanting someone he shouldn’t want, someone he couldn’t have. He had Lindsey; perfect, beautiful, amazing sweet and funny Lindsey. Lindsey was better than what he deserved, and he should have been happy with that. He would make himself happy with that.

 

**

Frank was in shock. He stood in the same spot, staring at the door, waiting for some explanation to present itself. Maybe it would have been easier to comprehend if he wasn’t in so much pain, and had a pounding head that just wouldn’t work as it should.

Gerard had kissed him. Gerard had dry humped him to the point where his boxers were still sticking to his skin, reminding him of what had taken place. How could Gerard…? Why did Gerard....?None of it made sense, and it was all so out of the blue and strange, unprecedented and just…strange. None of it was real, he told himself. He hadn’t kissed Gerard, _ma_ _de out_ with Gerard. He couldn’t have. He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t have enjoyed something like that, not when the other person involved was a guy.

He eventually landed back on the couch, his eyes hopefully sweeping the room for something to do. How could he have done it to Jamia? He loved her with all his heart. She was everything to him, everything important and meaningful in his life. He had never touched another person since they met.She was his first and only, and the same was true for her too. They had met during high school - young andnaïve, but madly in love from such a young age; a love that had lasted the trials of college and young adult life. How could he have forgotten about it, about her, even for a second? He was angry at himself, but mostly at Gerard. How could he have betrayed their friendship in such a way? Was he looking for a way to break up his relationship? If so, dragging Frank into it was unforgivable.

Had it just been the drugs? He had taken drugs before, and had never strayed or looked at another person. None of it made sense, nothing other than it was all Gerard’s fault. Gerard had started it, and all Frank could hope for was for Gerard to keep his mouth shut. The last thing he needed was for Jamia, or anyone, to find out. His fists were clenched tightly, resting on his lap. Maybe it was because he was thinking of Gerard, but suddenly he could see something in his peripheral vision, something wooded, glossy, polished to perfection. He twisted his neck, eyes falling on the guitar he now saw as often as his own. Gerard’s guitar was still new-looking from lack of use.He could almost get away with selling it as ‘new’, it was so perfect. That was how this all started. That stupid guitar was why this had begun, and the reason for him sitting on his couch feeling confused, distraught and furious.

It was a few seconds later, when his vision cleared and his breathing was calming down, that he looked at the floor, which was now littered with splintered bits of wood. The neck of the guitar was still in his hands, which were shaking, but the body of the guitar was destroyed. He didn’t feel guilt over destroying Gerard’s guitar. There was a spiteful sort of glee coursing through him, with a little tinge of satisfaction. If he wasn’t so angry, and hungover, maybe he would have wondered _why_ he was so angry, _why_ he was so intent on hiding what had happened, if he was comfortable in his sexuality. Right then, he was still tired, and maybe a little drunk, and all he wanted was to take a shower, clean himself off and go to bed. Half an hour later, he was under the covers, drifting into blissful dreams, where he hadn’t just screwed everything up.

 

**

“Hey, baby,” a soft, gentle voice roused Gerard from sleep. His eyes fluttered open, instantly focused on the smiling woman in front of him.

“Hey,” he cleared his throat, his voice hoarse from tiredness.

“Rough night?” Lindsey asked, her big, warm, brown eyes sparkling brightly.

“Fuck yeah.”

“Do you want some coffee?”

He shook his head, his stomach still a little too queasy to handle food or beverages right then. He just stared at Lindsey, taking in her sweet face, her kind smile, her slim, but toned, body that was leaning over him, giving him her full attention.

“That bad, huh?”

He nodded. He felt guilt writhe in the pit of his stomach. She was perfect.Utterly and totally perfect¸ and yet…something wasn’t there anymore. The thing that used to have him pull her panties off every time they were alone was now faded. He still found her beautiful, attractive, and undeniably sexy. He still loved her, but now…his heart went wild for another person. A person who didn’t want him, no matter how badly Gerard wished Frank felt differently.

When did his life get so messed up? When had his emotions become a clusterfuck of stupidity, making him want someone else, when he had such a wonderful woman in from of him. He made a decision right there and then. He wasn’t going to let his irrational desire win. Frank wasn’t a possibility.Hell, Frank wasn’t even a friend anymore. He had effectively destroyed that to smithereens the night before. Now, all he could do was move on, get over it, and get back to the way things were before Frank had come into his life.

“I feel better now,” he smiled, pulling Lindsey down on top of him.

“Maybe I could make you feel even better,” she suggested with a huskier voice.

She pressed her lips against his, softly at first, almost cautiously, as though waiting for him to push her away again. Instead, he deepened the kiss, gripping her hips, and grinding their pelvises together. She let out a moan, one that was nothing like the moans whichhad come from Frank’s mouth the night before. He couldn’t think about that, though. He forced the thought of Frank out of his mind, pushed it away, and let himself melt into the woman straddling him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> Not a very exciting chapter, I know. It'll pick back up, I promise.
> 
> Lyra


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I really hope you lot are enjoying this. I don't get many comments on this story on here (and especially recently), so please, if you can, drop a few words and let me you're interested, or if you have any feedback. It lets me know that I'm doing something right.
> 
> Lyra xxx

Lindsey smiled, her cherry coated lips stretching over gleaming white teeth. The little note was taped to the fridge, yellow post it paper contrasting with the white plastic covering the fridge door. It was a stupid, silly love note, one that most people would make faces at, but for Lindsey, it made her morning, especially when she also spotted a hot mug of coffee waiting for her. The sun was shining brighter, the coffee in her mug tasted richer, and the love in her heart for Gerard swelled. Whatever had been annoying Gerard, seemed to have faded into the background, and he was making up for his less than attentive behaviour recently. He was back to his old self, or almost, anyway. He was leaving her little notes again, she found the cupboard stocked with a few bars of her favourite chocolate, and when he was home before her, he made dinner from scratch. They weren’t great meals by any means, (he wasn’t much of a cook, though he did cook a great steak) but for Lindsey, it was the old cliché ‘it’s the thought that counts’. Jamia was right about them needing a couple of days of space. The two nights she'd stayed away must have made Gerard re-evaluate their relationship, and his recent distance. Their sex life was back on track, or close to anyway. He was affectionate, attentive and back to the Gerard she'd fell in love with. She was happy that they were getting over the little bump in their relationship, that the hard time was becoming a thing of the past and that they were finally moving forward. She had tried to bring it up, figure out what had caused the change in the first place. Gerard never gave anything more than a vague ‘work was stressful’ answer, which Lindsey had decided would have to do. There was no need to rehash it over and over – not when it was in the past.

Lindsey finished her mug of coffee, rinsed it out under a gush of hot water, before dropping it into the sink with a clatter. Then, everything was a rush as she gave her makeup a once over, checked that her outfit was free of creases and grabbed her handbag in a flurry. She didn’t care that she was running late – she would rather lose a few essential minutes if it meant she woke up to Gerard’s romantic gestures.

**

“Frankie,” Jamia whined, curling up to his side as they cuddled in bed, pushing her body flush against his. She bit her lower lip seductively, peering up at him from her lashes, her little freckled pixie nose rubbing his neck. She was practically keening at him, her small voice pleading.

“Not tonight,” Frank muttered, ignoring Jamia’s hand creeping under his shirt, deft fingers tracing over the pale, tattooed skin with soft fleeting touches.

“Did I do something?”

The hurt, anxious tone cut through Frank like a knife. It hurt, in more ways than one. It raised his guilt, his confusion and the impending feeling of dread that had descended upon him in the last couple of weeks.

“No, baby. I’m just exhausted,” he excused, hoping the bags under his eyes were convincing enough.

He had calmly picked up the pieces of Gerard’s guitar moments after smashing it to smithereens over two weeks ago. He had gotten a few splinters in the process, something he imagined was karma’s way of giving him penance for destroying such a beautiful instrument. He had felt remorse in the wake of its destruction, well aware that he had no right to damage Gerard’s property, no matter what Gerard had done. It wasn’t as though Gerard had harmed him – at least not physically. Mentally, it was another issue, one that Frank was trying to block out. He refused to think about it, only his brain had other ideas and _mad_ e him think about it. His memories were still hazy, but he remembered enough for his collar to get hot and his skin to prickle. He shouldn’t have enjoyed what happened. His body shouldn’t have reacted with such betrayal and reckless abandon to someone else’s touch, let alone a man’s touch. He got uncomfortable at the thought.It made him sweaty and nervous, and a strange kind of anxiety gripped at his chest, squeezing his lungs and leaving him gasping for breath when it took a hold. He was angry at Gerard, beyond furious, in fact. He had ignored Gerard since, and Gerard had returned the favour. Gerard had heeded Frank’s warning so far, but Frank now lived in a perpetual fear that one day Jamia would come home, cheeks streaked with tears and anger flaming her eyes and scream that he had betrayed her.

He missed Gerard’s company, though. They had gotten on so well, had developed a rapport, and Gerard had carved himself a little place inside Frank’s heart, unwittingly. Frank was pissed that Gerard had ruined it, that in a moment of impulsiveness and intoxication, they had crossed a line, run past it so far that it was nothing but a speck on the horizon that was barely noticeable. Things were fucked and unfixable, and it killed Frank a little to know that one of the most important friendships he had ever made was now gone in a flash. Gerard wasn’t who Frank had thought he was – Gerard had another side of him that Frank had not seen, maybe one which he hadn’t wanted to see. How could he not have seen it? How had he been so blindsided, so completely unaware that Gerard had been harbouring feelings beyond friendship? And what on earth made Gerard think that Frank would ever return them, or that he had any interest in that kind of…lifestyle? He had Jamia… He was happy with Jamia. He wasn’t going to be a pawn in Gerard’s game of exploring his sexuality. Frank was comfortable in his own, and he had no desire to delve any further than he already had.

The fact that he’d enjoyed what Gerard had done was coincidental. It didn’t say anything about him– it didn’t mean anything, other than that he was intoxicated out of his head, and had been lead into a compromising position by someone who manipulated him when he was in a vulnerable condition. His dreams,(of Gerard on top of him, kissing him senselessly, trailing kisses and feather light touches over his skin) they were just his psyche’s way of rubbing the guilt in. The fact that, two weeks later, he could still vaguely recall how Gerard smelled, that he'd woken up hard after a few not so innocent dreams, was nothing. He would tell himself that every day, all day, at home, and at work.

Jamia had noticed something was wrong, though, as much as he tried to hide it. He wanted to be honest about it; they had been in each other’s lives for so long that honesty was just ingrained in them. They never kept secrets, because they knew each other too well to try and hide anything. This, though – this, he couldn’t tell. He knew Jamia wouldn’t understand,that she would over-react, think Frank was questioning his sexuality, or that he was in the closet. He wasn’t – he was nowhere near the land of Narnia. He'd made a mistake, one he bitterly regretted, and was paying the price for. He lost a friend, his mind was tormented in waking hours by daydreams, when he wasn’t concentrating, and his mind wandered to Gerard, and what he was doing, and if he was okay, and what would have happened if Frank hadn’t reacted so badly the next morning. Would they still be friends? Could they have gotten over it, and moved on, if Frank had calmly explained that he wasn’t interested, and never would be? He was left with could've, should've,would've, and he wondered if they would ever fade. He missed texting Gerard, missed their Saturday hangouts, their occasional weekday wanderings around the mall for comic books. That had been ripped away from him, and it had an adverse affect on him,which he wouldnever have anticipated. So adverse, that Jamia was noticing, and questioning, in her own way. He was pulling away from her in his guilt, not just emotionally, but sexually. He found it hard to cave into her touches and pouts, when all her touch did was remind him that she wasn’t the last person to touch him like that, that someone else had made him excited to the point of release without direct skin on skin contact. His gut twisted at the knowledge that Jamia was left confused, and probably full of self-doubt, over something that wasn’t her fault.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispered, swallowing a lump that blocked his oesophagus.

Jamia didn’t respond. She laid her head on his chest, her breathing a little unsteady, and Frank knew that she was trying not to cry. It made him feel like shit, like he was worth nothing. She didn’t deserve to be caught up in Frank’s fucked up-ness. He planted a kiss on her forehead, squeezed an arm around her shoulders tightly, and whispered softly.

“I love you, baby. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow, I promise.”

She looked at him again, a faint smile tugging at her sad lips. He returned the smile, praying that his misery would end soon.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so sorry guys. I hadn't realised it had been so long since I updated this story. I promise to never leave it so long to update again. I really hope this chapter makes up for my long absence. I went on holidays, then had interviews, then got a job, and last weekend, I moved, so life has just been hectic as fuck. Please, please forgive me.
> 
> I also have a new twitter account for my stories- follow me @MCR_Lyra, where you can ask me questions, maybe request stories and remind me to update if I take too long !
> 
> So, are you guys happy with this chapter? Please let me know. 
> 
> Lyra xx

Frank watched Jamia pack her bags, a ghost of a smile on his face as he lay on the bed in nothing but his boxers. His myriad of tattoos were on show in all their glory, due to the early morning. It was a beautiful Saturday morning, with the sun shining in a cloudless blue sky. It was the kind of day that made most people want to get up and spend the day outside under the damaging rays of the sun. Not Frank, though. He was content to stay inside, and hide from the sun's vicious rays.

“Try not to miss me too much when you’re gone.”

“Oh, don’t worry; I’ll be so drunk I won’t remember my name. This is a hen night we’re talking about.There’s no way I’d get away with not getting drunk.”

Jamia was heading away with the girls for a couple of days to Atlantic City. Her short dresses and high heels were all packed away, ready for a few days of debauchery that was a young bridal hen party. Frank wasn’t at all concerned about what she would get up to. Jamia was a smart girl, who could look after herself, something she had proven many times over the years.

Frank laughed, just a short breathy giggle, at the way her face scrunched up at the thought of the amount of alcohol they would probably go through. Their eyes met, and her face relaxed into a lazy grin. She zipped up her bag, before throwing it to the floor carelessly. Frank watched her with a lazy gaze when she crept onto the bed. Keeping their eyes locked, she crawled from the bottom of the bed slowly, until she was hovering over Frank’s still body. She straddled his hips, their pelvises perfectly aligned to give the two of them some friction. She slowly leaned over Frank, their chests pressing against each other when their lips met in a soft kiss. Jamia’s movements were slow and almost hesitant, fearful that she would once again be rejected.

Frank ignored the pinch of guilt that clawed at his chest, the guilt that reminded that it was his fault that she no longer felt confident in showing her affection. If he acknowledged that, he had to remember why he had avoided her touches and caresses. That, in turn, lead to him thinking about the one person he was adamant he would never think about again.

It kind of worked. During the day, he was able to push Gerard out of his head. Between work, and spending time with Jamia and doing anything that involved Frank not thinking, he was quite successful in blocking out the taller man’s image, and the look on his face when Frank had so callously abused him and thrown him out without any chance to redeem himself.

It was the night time that thwarted him. As much as Frank could wish and hope, he wasn’t in control of his subconscious mind. His dreams were filled with images of Gerard, in various scenarios. Some of them were just mundane dreams of them hanging out, or some stupid vague dream that Frank wouldn’t care to remember. Others, though, were far more vivid. Some of them would make him wake up, hard and breathing heavily as he tried to get the image of Gerard’s hand wrapped around him out of his head. Sometimes, he would dream about something less erotic but far more painful. They would be cuddling, or embracing, doing things that most couples did.

They confused him the most. They made him believe that maybe he could be happy with a guy, that maybe, just _maybe[_ , a part of him really did want Gerard. That wasn’t a reality he would let himself entertain, though. He had Jamia. The wonderful, perfect, dream woman that was Jamia Nestor. The woman who had stuck by his side, and would be his wife one day. That was what he wanted - what he _had_ wanted for so long. He had spent so many years just assuming that his life would go down a particular path. It was a perfectly good path, one that would guarantee him a contented life.

Only, sometimes, when he lingered on his dreams, he wondered if he really wanted that path anymore. He hadn’t let himself consider any other possibilities for his future. Certainly not one that meant questioning who he was. He put a stop to his wonderings quickly, though. His dreams were nothing but a slight fear that he hadn’t experienced enough of a life outside of being in a couple. He wasn’t going to let some curiosity, or irrational fear, mess up the best thing that had ever happened to him.

He pushed his thoughts away, and focused instead on Jamia’s soft lips, which were raspberry flavoured, and on the way she was rocking her hips over his slowly hardening erection. Her hands started ghosting over his chest, kicking Frank’s own hands into gear. He slipped his hand under her tank top, tracing his calloused fingers over her smooth back. She gasped at his cold touch, smiling into their kiss.

“You’re hands are fucking freezing!”

“Guess I’ll have to find a way to warm them up” He whispered huskily, before grabbing her hips and rolling her onto her back to take control.

**

Lindsey had left about two hours ago. Two long hours, and Gerard had already finished the bottle of vodka he had stored in the cupboard under the sink.

He hadn’t meant to drink so much. It was only meant to be one, just to calm himself down when he realised he had nothing to distract him from thinking about Frank. Frank; the guy who didn’t want Gerard. The guy who couldn’t admit who he was, even to himself. The man who had infected Gerard like a disease, infiltrating his thoughts and emotions. Frank, who hadn’t contacted him in weeks since the day he had kicked Gerard out of his home. Frank, who was still in his little bubble of denial. He didn’t want to acknowledge that there was something between them. He wanted his perfect, socially accepted life with his perfect girlfriend.

Gerard had done everything he could to drive the man out of his mind. Gerard worked twice as hard in work, trying to bring in the many needed changes that Dark Horse needed in the art department. When he wasn’t working overtime, he was spending his every second making Lindsey happy. Lindsey didn’t seem to question his extra attentiveness. She revelled in the little notes, and the little gifts he left for her sometimes. She enjoyed the fact that they spent their weekends cuddled up on the couch, watching some crappy horror movie and eating junk food. She thought that spending a few days apart had made him re-evaluate their relationship. It had, but just not in the way she had hoped.

Gerard was aware of the fact that it was wrong to use Lindsey as a crutch. She was a distraction, a way to avoid thinking about the person he really wanted. Gerard just wanted things to go back to the way they were before Frank came into his life. He was happy then.

Frank had done this to him. He had made him fall in love with him, with his perfect fucking smile, and his girlish giggle, and with the way he was so affectionate once he opened up. He had captivated Gerard with the way he talked, and how they could talk for hours about the force and who was truly more powerful, the Jedi or the Sith. The way he could play guitar was phenomenal, and the way he was so patient with Gerard, even when Gerard just couldn’t get the strumming right, no matter how many times Frank repeated it.

So, Gerard had one drink, to wind down and stop his racing thoughts. Only, it made them race more with every sip. One drink lead to a third, and once he was seething in anger at the unfairness of it all, and halfway through the bottle, he just kept on going, until he hoped he would just black out.

Now, he had finished the bottle, and he was drunk as hell, but nowhere near the point of blacking out into oblivion. He spent what felt like five minutes (which was really half an hour) staring at the wall, contemplating how to proceed with his evening, before he decided that more alcohol was needed.

He shrugged on his leather jacket, patted his pockets to check if his keys and his wallet were there, then he left his apartment, and trudged the familiar path to the local off licence for more vodka, and maybe some beers. Anything that would make him black out quickly, and forget about the guitarist, and how he had smashed Gerard’s heart to pieces.

Gerard didn’t notice how people eyed him with curiosity as he stumbled down the street, clearly way too drunk to be out in public. He blatantly ignored the cashier at the off licence, who considered refusing Gerard the alcohol, in fear that Gerard had already had too much. Gerard just glared at the young man, who wisely kept his mouth shut, and scanned the six pack and bottle of vodka wordlessly.

What Gerard did notice on his way back home, was the music shop. The one that had guitars displayed in the window. Mostly, they were electric guitars, but it was the shiny, freshly polished acoustic guitar that caught his eye. The one that was a replica of the guitar that Gerard had abandoned at Frank’s apartment four weeks ago.

The anger came back, in a vicious wave that made Gerard see red. Frank had taken his heart, and his sanity, and his ability to think straight for more than five seconds. Gerard was damned if he would let the guy take his prized guitar too.

That was what made Gerard change course. Instead of traipsing home, he was walking a well trailed path to Frank’s apartment complex. Luck had it that a teenage boy was leaving just as Gerard was about to buzz up, letting Gerard slip inside without giving Frank the chance to refuse him entry.

Gerard took the stairs, unable to stomach the idea of being inside the elevator. The thought of being in the small space made his stomach queasy. The walk up the stairs took twice the time it would take a sober person, but Gerard was just grateful he made it to Frank’s floor without tripping over his own feet.

He stood outside the door, just staring at the brass polished ‘109’ that let him glimpse at his reflection. He swayed on the spot, letting his anger abate, before he yelled his righteous fury for the whole floor to hear. Somewhere in the back of his mind, in spite of his hurt and anger, he just wanted to –

He wasn’t sure. Apologise? Ask for Frank’s friendship?

He thought about his options. He was miserable without Frank in his life. Far more miserable than when Frank was there, but unattainable. Maybe he just needed to have Frank in his life again. Maybe his anger, and the confusion, would go away eventually, once he learned how to see Frank as a friend again.

He made up his mind then and there that he wouldn’t get angry, like he'd initially planned. That he would remain calm. He would ask for his guitar back, then apologise. He would tell Frank he hadn’t meant what he said, that he had been confused, and that it was the leftover from the pills that had made him act that way. He could salvage their friendship, if he tried hard enough.

His knuckles wrapped the wooden door far more smartly than a drunk person should have been capable of. He swayed on the spot again, his hands reaching out to steady himself on the doorframe, while he waited the few torturous seconds it took for Frank to open the door.

There were two Franks, when the door finally opened. Gerard had to blink hard to get his eyes back into focus, an extremely difficult task,given his current state. He took in Frank’s messy dark hair, and the light stubble that graced his upper lip and jawline. His t-shirt was dirty and wrinkled, as were his sweatpants, but Gerard overlooked it.

“What are you doing here?”

Frank’s anger hadn’t eased any from the last time they had seen each other. Gerard could see Frank’s hands were clenched into fists, and for a split second, he wondered if Frank would actually hit him.

“I said, what are you doing here?”

Gerard swallowed, and attempted to stand up straighter. He wasn’t about to let Frank intimidate him.

“I want my guitar,” Gerard managed to not slur his words, something he was quite pleased about.

Frank’s face fell, one of his hands suddenly reaching to scratch of back of his neck. Gerard couldn’t help but notice just how adorable Frank looked when he looked so unsure, and the way his eyes widened.

“I…maybe you should come in,” Frank sounded guilty, though Gerard didn’t really register the tone. He followed Frank inside, surprised by how easily Frank let him in.

Frank led him into the sitting room.

“Uhm…I kinda broke your guitar,” Frank rushed out in one breath.

Gerard stared at Frank blankly.

“You broke it?” Gerard repeated slowly, certain he had misheard Frank.

“I’ll replace it, as soon as I can.”

Gerard just kept staring at Frank, waiting for an explanation. When Frank avoided his gaze, looking at the floor, to shake off Gerard’s drunken gaze, Gerard spoke again.

“How did it break?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’ll replace it, okay?”

Gerard opened his mouth to demand a more satisfying explanation, but then closed it quickly, when he reminded himself that this was his one opportunity to make amends with Frank.

“I’m sorry,” tumbled from his mouth, before his brain fully engaged with his mouth. “It was a mistake, Frank, and I’m really sorry that I ruined our friendship like that. I was fucking high, and I just-“

Frank watched Gerard ramble on, not even taking in the words that were flowing from Gerard’s mouth without much forethought. Gerard was swaying as he stood in the middle of the room; his hazel eyes were wide in earnest as apologies came out one by one. Frank couldn’t ignore how his heart was thumping when he took in the way Gerard was speaking from the corner of his mouth, and how bright his eyes were shining, even in the glassy haze that only alcohol would give.

Frank stopped thinking. He just let his subconscious take over the bizarre situation. Gerard didn’t register Frank stepping closer to him. It wasn’t until Frank had cupped his face that he finally stopped talking. When Frank pulled their faces closer together, Gerard didn’t fight it. He gladly closed the gap between their lips, and for the first time in the long anguishing weeks since they had parted, the pain in his chest eased.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, almost 2 years since my last update...if anyone is still reading this, thank you! I apologise for the wait. Any new readers, welcome!
> 
> Lyra xx

Gerard wasn’t sure what he was expecting from the surprise visit to Frank’s place, but he wasn’t exactly disappointed with how things were turning out. It was far from the confrontation he would have bet this money on, and nothing like the last time he had stepped inside the apartment, when he was unceremoniously punched in the face and kicked out from Frank’s apartment. He would take kissing Frank over a punch any day. Frank’s lips weren’t soft, Gerard could feel the dry skin that was almost peeling off, but it was still pretty amazing, just from knowing it was Frank who was kissing him. It was Frank who had started it. Frank had kissed  _ him _ , and this time, he couldn’t put it down to drink or drugs. This time, there were no excuses for Frank, and if Gerard had let himself think for half a second, that knowledge would have terrified him because it also meant that they were finally confronting whatever  _ this _ was and the consequences of whatever they decided.

 

From the moment Frank had pressed his lips into Gerard's, it was like a dam of repressed emotions and desires had burst from the banks of the misery he had kept inside. The kiss was desperate, not at all gentle or seductive. It was the kind of kiss two people had when the last of their resolve was thrown out the window and they gave in to their mutual need. And fuck, did Frank feel like he needed Gerard right then. He had almost convinced himself that his ‘feelings’ were just a phase, something that wasn’t real. Then, Gerard had to turn up at his door, looking all angry, and broken and...well, Frank couldn’t stop the need he felt to do  _ something _ to right the situation he was also at fault for. He know somewhere in the back of the mind that there was another way of dealing with an angry Gerard, but Frank had gone with his instinct, stopped thinking and just did what felt right, 

 

Gerard didn't care about the guitar anymore. He didn’t care that he had spent the last few weeks in pain, heartbroken to the point where he was barely functional outside of work. All the doubts, shame, and self hate disappeared as he lost himself in the moment and finally got what he'd wanted for so long. Lindsey was forgotten about, and the guilt he should have been feeling was nowhere to be found. He couldn’t make himself feel anything other than the relief  he was getting from the moment. He was being selfish, which wasn’t necessarily unusual for him, but to be as reckless as he’s been since he’s began to develop feelings for Frank, that wasn’t him. Or, it hadn’t been until now. 

 

Frank didn't know what made him kiss Gerard the way he did. Okay, that was a lie. He knew why. He had tried to deny the truth, deny what it was he really wanted. He didn't want to think about the fact that he might not be the person he thought he was. He didn't want to acknowledge that something inside him had changed when he let Gerard into his life. Gerard made him realise that there was a side to himself Frank had never explored, a part of him that had lain dormant for years, hidden underneath the surface. He’s been lying to himself, and he was tired of it. He was so goddamn tired, and drained, and done with the constant sickness that lingered in the pit of his stomach whenever the thought of Gerard had popped into his head, unwanted.

 

The kiss felt longer than it was. Time had stood still in the most cliche way possible, like they were in some kind of movie. Nothing existed outside of their embrace, they were in a bubble where they were they only people in the world. Neither of them wanted to pull away, or break the moment and deal with the aftermath of the betrayal they were committing, in Frank’s living room, in the home he shared with Jamia. Gerard was breathless though, and certain he would faint if he didn't catch his breath. 

 

There was silence when Gerard broke the kiss, bar the heavy breathing from the two men catching their breath. The silence wasn't awkward, it was far from it. There was no need to talk yet, or ruin the moment by forcing a discussion that wouldn't be easy. The silence was comforting, in it’s own way. They could avoid facing reality for a little while longer, and avoid the ‘where do we go from here?’ talk. For Gerard, it was also a way for him to avoid asking the questions he needed to ask, like ‘why now?’ and ‘what changed’. He knew eventually he’d need the answers, because as happy as he was  in that moment, it wasn’t going to last. Gerard had already taken a lot of hurt and pain in the last few weeks because of Frank, and when the passion of the moment wasted away, he wasn’t going to let himself be exposed to the hurt all over again unless he got some goddamn answers from Frank.

 

The bubble of contentment lasted for a few mere minutes before it started to slowly ebb away. Nothing tore them away from it, there was no drama or interruption; it was just the slow realisation that time was moving on, that they had to move with it at some stage. The perfect little bubble was slowly getting smaller and smaller. Gerard moved first, just a half step back from Frank, to look at the smaller man. He took Frank in, the jeans and baggy T-Shirt, the slightly greasy hair, there was a small beer stain on the white and grey top. Frank looked tired, the combination of pale skin and dark circles making Gerard wonder if Frank had been sleeping enough lately. 

 

Frank was suddenly more aware of himself when Gerard started to stare. Frank knew he looked like shit. He wasn’t sleeping, he was spending so much time in the studio that he almost forgot there was a world outside it. He knew it would be worth it, that the work would ease up eventually, but the exhaustion was a constant weight on his bones, following him everywhere. He was working his way up though, he had to pay his dues now. Frank was also aware that the apartment wasn’t in great shape. He’s left his beer cans out, and there was leftover pizza sitting in the pizza box on the couch, it’s scent still lingering in the air from when Frank had lazed out on the couch watching Terminator. 

 

“So, uh…” Gerard broke the silence. His mouth was still a little open, his drunken brain trying to catch up with all the thoughts that were floating around and find something to say, but the words weren’t coming out. He felt sober when Frank’s lips had been on his, now that he had come back down from the high he was all too aware of the alcohol he’s consumed. His brain was still fuzzy, working double time to comprehend the situation.

 

“I guess we need to talk,” Frank supplied. Then he realised, he didn’t know what to say. He had no clue how to go about this, what it all meant. What was he meant to do in a situation which was completely absurd, so mind blowingly difficult to wrap his head around. There was no simple solution to it, nothing could be said that would make life easier for the two of them. No scenario cleaned the slate they had just sullied with their actions. 

 

They had already fucked up, majorly. Frank couldn’t defend himself this time. 

 

“What do you want, Frankie?” Gerard’s voice was soft, careful in his wording. 

 

“I don’t know Gerard. I think about you all the fucking time even when I’m with Jamia. Fuck, I’ve missed you so much over the last few weeks, so much that I can’t keep denying that there’s something here. I just don’t know what this thing is, or what it says about me. I don’t know what I’m doing, Gerard. I can’t… I don’t know what this means, or what we’re supposed to do about it.” Frank was being honest, for the first time in months. The words he’d keep locked up inside were being released thrown out into the air, and all he could do was wait to see how they fell.

 

Gerard didn’t take his eyes off Frank as Frank spoke. Frank’s eyes had been wide with sincerity as he spoke, his left hand running through his hair as he talked. 

 

“I don’t know either Frank, maybe we could just...I dunno...see where this goes?”

“So, you’re willing to just give up your  life with Lindsey, have people look at you differently, when we don’t even know what exactly we are?” Frank’s tone was tinged with incredulity. 

 

Gerard knew Frank had a point. This wasn’t as simple as cutting off ties with Lindsey and riding into the sunset with Frank. People would talk, rumours would get thrown around, and some people wouldn’t accept them. He knew he couldn’t let go of Frank though, not now when he was so,  _ so _ close to finally having him. He couldn’t walk away now, not without a fight. Even if it meant becoming someone he didn’t ever want to be.

 

“We could keep it between us, for now.” Gerard threw it out there. He had nothing to lose by voicing the only reasonable option he saw for them. There was no other way, as despicable as it was He didn’t want to betray Lindsey. He didn’t want to be  _ that _ guy who fuck around when he had an amazing woman. Frank wasn’t just anyone though, and his gut was telling him to fight. Be dirty if he had to be. The regret of walking away would be far worse than the consequences.

 

Frank let Gerard’s words wash over him. Could he really do it to Jamia? Could he lie to her, betray her, in such a way? He never thought he would ever see himself as a cheater. He never would have believed he was capable of ever doing something to deliberately hurt Jamia. She deserved better than to be with such a low life. But, he also knew he couldn’t not explore whatever was  happening between him and Gerard. It was too consuming, too intense to ignore. Maybe if they could work it out of their system? Maybe once they gave in, the infatuation would fade away and they could go back to the way things were. They could be themselves again.

“We’d have to be careful, Gerard. They can’t know.” Frank pleaded.

 

The words stung a little, even though Gerard conceded that Frank was right about the reality of their current predicament. It was a necessary evil, one that wouldn’t last forever. Gerard, even when drunk, knew that secrets never stayed that way.  His only hope was that they wouldn’t have to lie for long. 

 

Gerard didn’t respond with words, instead he pulled Frank’s face to his and kissed him. 

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
